^ZOMG CONSECUTIVE NEW POSTS.
After writing about my crappy paper, I caught up on several days of work, and it actually looks much better. Go figure.
I've been thinking a bit about politics lately. Mostly how much I hate it, but also where I stand on it all. The problem with my stances on anything is that they're always changing. When I first applied to work as an election inspector, I had to give them a party affiliation, because legally, in the state of Michigan, election inspector "boards" (those five people sitting around) have to have members representing at least two different parties. The reason for that is not corruption, as a friend of mine was quick to say, but because of voting laws. If a voter needed help marking the ballot, we have to have two people from differing parties help them, so as to avoid "voter bias." Same with ballot tabulation. A couple of people from two different parties check all the odd ballots and double check each others' work. Back then, I wrote "Libertarian," but I've seen the little sheet election chairmen get, and I'm listed as nothing. Not even "independent". My box was blank. Do I have to pay a party money to be officially recognized??
I used to think I was Libertarian, and that it was full of good ideas. I still kind of think they're good ideas, but only in an ideal situation. This US history class I took back in May showed me the real strength of a decentralized government. Care for a non-binding resolution, sir? The biggest thing I realized in that class wasn't about politics, though, it was that old adage about history repeating itself being true. The "largest, most advanced military force in the world being unable to truly defeat a guerrilla force" thing has happened far more often than I ever knew. But the topic of States Rights and decentralized government has happened twice to our own country, and failed both times. Yeah yeah, Civil War, blah blah. But I found out that America was FOUNDED on States' Rights! And also that it was really shitty, so they ditched the Articles of Confederation in favor of the Constitution, which set up a stronger, federal government. The states themselves were insular and uncooperative, which isn't to say they aren't anymore, but the federal government has the power to manage them now. The way I'm painting it sounds like I'm defining Libertarianism very narrowly, just speaking about "less central government," but there are deeper statements rooted in the philosophy that I cannot agree with, mainly the idea that individual people know what's best for them. I'd love to say it was true, but I've met people, and I know it's hopelessly wrong. Same with anarcho-communism. People, on a large scale, are just not good enough to do what they need to do.
So I wasn't anti-government, and I wasn't conservative, and I wasn't even as moderate as I thought. Hey, why not go and read about socialism? At the very least, I'd actually know what I was talking about, unlike the people who call Obama a communist. Seriously, if those people had thought to ask the socialists or the communists about Obama's actions, they would be in for some disappointment. Anyway. I stumbled across this idea that blew my mind-- "dictatorship of the proletariat based on democratic principles." Woah, dude. Woah. It's this bit of socialist philosophy from a guy called Leon Trotsky, whose particular "communist" stylings were quite the opposite of Stalin's. I also found out communism, as Marx wrote, is an endgame situation devoid of a government, so I guess any so-called communist regimes really aren't communists at all. Socialism is sort of the interim between capitalist society and communism, a government paving the way for a stateless society. Personally, I think a world without money and possession would be great, but again, the idea "works" because it's untested and hypothetical. I don't really feel that I'm a Socialist either, because supporting the midway point seems fruitless, although the membership card would be a great conversation piece.
I've been asked "Why do you need labels?" and the answer is "BECAUSE I LIKE THEM." They make things simple. But in recent months, I've been watching myself grab at every idea like I was the first person to think it, and trying to fit into some role. I have an intense need for symbols and ritual and ideas, and I keep falling into new ones saying "This, this is it! I know everything I need to know because of THIS!" It's hard not to do, but I am aware of it, even if it is a bit after the fact.
I've done this with the rantings about tattoos, too. I had three new tattoo ideas today which were way better than head tattoos... But each was better than the one before it. Because of this, I'm not getting any tattoos now. I can't keep one idea I like for even a month, so all bets are off. Gonna have to remind myself not to get caught in a hasty mood...
Busy day tomorrow, rawr.
Sean
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
nom
I haven't been writing here lately because of the imagined priority of my Logic paper, but I'm really not getting anywhere with it. It's gonna be shit, so I'm just gonna hack out the word requirement, throw sources where needed, and hope for a mid-level grade on it. There's something about Logic that I'm not getting, and I don't know what it is.
The way I dream bothers me because of how intense my emotions get during REM sleep. The warmest, fullest, most content happiness I've ever felt was in a dream, as well as the deepest sorrow I've ever felt. I woke up one morning recently for two reasons-- it was very hard to breathe (I've been having a lot of problems with asthma) and because of the phenomenal sadness of this dream. I had made it most of the way to the basement before a few giant sobs made their way out, but it was funny. I was occupied with my breathing and trying to get to the bathroom, barely awake, and my body was still dealing with an emotional situation that didn't even exist. Whereas part of me said "That's the saddest fucking thing in the entire world," the "rest of me" was getting annoyed! I had priorities, after all. I like telling that story because I find it really odd and somewhat amusing.
Dead possum #3 is the garbage. It's #3 because that's how many dead possums have shown up in our yard in the past year or so. Nova isn't bothering with them post mortem, so I don't think it's his doing. They stink.
Poor Nova. He's really running out of steam, although today he looked more like himself than he has for a while. I think he hurt himself, but the vet thinks he's got arthritis, so he's got painkillers. We're feeding him glucosamine with the hopes that it'll make him a little more mobile. He's not IMmobile, but he is very limpy, and after a hectic day (no one has a fucking brain around here, Dozer is still allowed to beat the shit out of Nova) he can barely get up. Not to mention his heartworm situation... Poor doggy.
Japanese was going better til this quiz today. I did quite poorly. I feel I did about the same on the first quiz. However, they are 25 points, while our tests are worth 100. On my first full-on test? 94. I know what I need to work on, so I should do well again.
St Andrews is crazy, I guess. From what I understand, at some point in the last three years, the diocese has had an exorcism performed there. We're also doing tons of stuff out of turn as a congregation in the Episcopal church, which is really pissing off the higher ups we're asking help from. I dunno. Things are odd. People are still missing important points.
I'm really fat right now. I'm probably going to join the gym my brother goes to. Everyone keeps harping on me because of Coke, but that's not THE thing that makes me fat. I would say THE thing is that I live at home and don't have control over what food comes in without spending my own money, which currently consists of fifteen dollars. Another important part is sedentary lifestyle, but I'd still place that just under "eating wrong". Luckily, exercise is something I CAN do, AND has shown significant results when I really start kicking ass. My weight is really quite variable, it just depends on which direction I'm "pushing" it. Strength training, I can do no problem, but cardio, more vital to direct weight loss, is something I lack access to. I tried running, I fucked up my feet in the process. I tried the treadmill we have, but it's old and shitty and can't maintain one constant speed. The pace of circuit training cannot compare to real, focused cardiovascular exercise. I'm going to join this gym for access to their elliptical machines. Ken uses them for the same reason I'm going to-- "My joints get tired faster than I do." He's doing what I should have been, and he's in good shape because of it, although he still probably eats less than me (but that may change as soon as he's out of school). I'll say it right now, though. I've weighed less than him before. At one point, he weighed 10 pounds more, and still looked thinner, and I do hate him for it.
Realistically, I know I'll be maintaining an overweight body. But "overweight" at 6' is 184+. Right now, I'm aiming at not being "obese" on the BMI. And I can do that through exercise and less Coke. I did it before without meaning to (Eastern's band camp), and I think I'll be below high school weight with a focused effort.
zomg tired
Sean
Update: I just joined Planet Fitness, and am going to rock their elliptical machines.
The way I dream bothers me because of how intense my emotions get during REM sleep. The warmest, fullest, most content happiness I've ever felt was in a dream, as well as the deepest sorrow I've ever felt. I woke up one morning recently for two reasons-- it was very hard to breathe (I've been having a lot of problems with asthma) and because of the phenomenal sadness of this dream. I had made it most of the way to the basement before a few giant sobs made their way out, but it was funny. I was occupied with my breathing and trying to get to the bathroom, barely awake, and my body was still dealing with an emotional situation that didn't even exist. Whereas part of me said "That's the saddest fucking thing in the entire world," the "rest of me" was getting annoyed! I had priorities, after all. I like telling that story because I find it really odd and somewhat amusing.
Dead possum #3 is the garbage. It's #3 because that's how many dead possums have shown up in our yard in the past year or so. Nova isn't bothering with them post mortem, so I don't think it's his doing. They stink.
Poor Nova. He's really running out of steam, although today he looked more like himself than he has for a while. I think he hurt himself, but the vet thinks he's got arthritis, so he's got painkillers. We're feeding him glucosamine with the hopes that it'll make him a little more mobile. He's not IMmobile, but he is very limpy, and after a hectic day (no one has a fucking brain around here, Dozer is still allowed to beat the shit out of Nova) he can barely get up. Not to mention his heartworm situation... Poor doggy.
Japanese was going better til this quiz today. I did quite poorly. I feel I did about the same on the first quiz. However, they are 25 points, while our tests are worth 100. On my first full-on test? 94. I know what I need to work on, so I should do well again.
St Andrews is crazy, I guess. From what I understand, at some point in the last three years, the diocese has had an exorcism performed there. We're also doing tons of stuff out of turn as a congregation in the Episcopal church, which is really pissing off the higher ups we're asking help from. I dunno. Things are odd. People are still missing important points.
I'm really fat right now. I'm probably going to join the gym my brother goes to. Everyone keeps harping on me because of Coke, but that's not THE thing that makes me fat. I would say THE thing is that I live at home and don't have control over what food comes in without spending my own money, which currently consists of fifteen dollars. Another important part is sedentary lifestyle, but I'd still place that just under "eating wrong". Luckily, exercise is something I CAN do, AND has shown significant results when I really start kicking ass. My weight is really quite variable, it just depends on which direction I'm "pushing" it. Strength training, I can do no problem, but cardio, more vital to direct weight loss, is something I lack access to. I tried running, I fucked up my feet in the process. I tried the treadmill we have, but it's old and shitty and can't maintain one constant speed. The pace of circuit training cannot compare to real, focused cardiovascular exercise. I'm going to join this gym for access to their elliptical machines. Ken uses them for the same reason I'm going to-- "My joints get tired faster than I do." He's doing what I should have been, and he's in good shape because of it, although he still probably eats less than me (but that may change as soon as he's out of school). I'll say it right now, though. I've weighed less than him before. At one point, he weighed 10 pounds more, and still looked thinner, and I do hate him for it.
Realistically, I know I'll be maintaining an overweight body. But "overweight" at 6' is 184+. Right now, I'm aiming at not being "obese" on the BMI. And I can do that through exercise and less Coke. I did it before without meaning to (Eastern's band camp), and I think I'll be below high school weight with a focused effort.
zomg tired
Sean
Update: I just joined Planet Fitness, and am going to rock their elliptical machines.
Monday, October 5, 2009
cheating strategy
Things aren't great. I hate my classes, and I'm generally irritable and stressed lately. And tired. I forgot when it happened, but I thought about it, and I've been sleeping between 6-7 hours lately, and I'm more of a 10-hour guy. I think it's because I stay out with my friends, and I tell myself that's absolutely okay, because school or work shouldn't stomp out my social life, but then I get tired and grumpy. Still, my friends mean more to me than three extra hours of sleep.
This will be the only Japanese course I take at OCC, because this teacher is the only one who teaches it, and she's got a bitchy attitude. I will not put up with this shit for three more semesters. The first issue was when I missed a class, and she asked if I e-mailed her, and was being a bitch about semantics. The second was when she called on me to translate a sentence in Japanese. I knew I had been called on, and when I did, I went to read the sentence. Proper course of action, no? But she KEPT calling on me. First, it was "the gentleman sitting against the wall", then, "with the gray shirt", then, "with the long hair," then, "sitting alone with no one around him" (it was really only in front and back-- I WAS sitting NEXT to someone) and things like that. Each of those new comments would distract me from reading, so it was about a minute of that shit before I got to do what she asked me to. Fuck that class. I have the books, which we'll be using up until the LAST of FOUR COURSES, and Dr Mark Kane, who WON'T act like such an asshole, and WON'T take TWO FUCKING HOURS to teach a couple of things!!
Logic is still interesting, and there's really only one problem with it, and it's this chick who's kinda slow who always manages to stray into me and Richy's group, scraping for answers rather than contributing. She has an annoying voice and doesn't think, yet expects us to work for her. We don't. Last session she started wandering to other groups, so that's a positive sign.
Oh, I got a paper topic approved! "Transhumanism," which I've tentatively defined as "the artificial evolution of humanity by humanity." The issue (which in Logic terms, is a specific question about a general topic, something quite different from the Sean-Gripe definition) I've "found" is whether or not it will be realized, and the position I took was "yes." Basically, we're not just gonna replace, but enhance our bodies through medicine and technology. It sounds like we do that now, but I'm talking in the EXTREME, and not just pace makers and false limbs.
PoliSci would be loads of fun if the prof weren't so adversarial in his tone and the students weren't so dumb. They don't understand that despite the way it sounds, he's not trying to argue with or shit on anyone. He's trying to lecture. But there are at least two women who are dead set on "beating him" in an "argument." Ugh.
I'm not just irritable and grumpy, though, I've wandered into "intolerable" now. I'm finding it increasingly harder to deal with boredom. Grandma and I went to see the DSO perform some Samuel Barber stuff, and most of it was fun, but one of the longer pieces, Barber's Piano Concerto or something, was SO BORING. It was technically brilliant, but aesthetically anesthetic. Luckily they ended with Don Quixote, which was beautiful, if long (forty-minutes-for-one-song long). And yesterday, Dad was at Grandma's, and it was the usual goofiness until the Michaeliks showed up. Out of a sense of politeness, Ken, Derek, and I just shut up and sat around while the Grown-Ups talked. The Michaeliks were nice guys, but for most of the two hours we were there, we weren't hanging out with Dad and Grandma, we were watching them hang out with the Michaeliks. I'll admit I used dinner as an excuse, and I'm really sorry that I did, but I couldn't take it. I also wanted coke, and that gnawed at me for a while there too.
But I've become intolerable of minute pieces of boredom. And it's another one of those things I throw into the mix when I ask "How do regular people do this when I can't?!" Among that, there's "16 credit hour semesters," "40+ work hours a week AND having a life," "Work AND school AND life" "Put up with X amount of shit for X amount of time," (that one is best illustrated with Jonathan's job at Lowe's, where he's been working for a year and a half since he graduated college, and always talks about how he hates it, although it extends to much more than just occupation), but there are more, which either escape me at the moment or I haven't managed to make into a thought that would be coherent to someone else. How am I so intolerant of insignificant boredom when everyone else is fine?
I'm probably just stressed. I don't really unwind, either, I just screw around/procrastinate. But there are some things keeping it together for me, and one of them is time with friends. There's a real reason I refuse to give up social time, and it's because it helps to have people around. There's something my brother wrote once, about how he had previously believed he shouldn't be so close to his friends because they'd all leave, but it's something I completely reject. The only way my friends are getting away from me is kicking and screaming, and even then, most won't make it. Trust me on that one.
One gleaming light at the end of the tunnel is Eastern. I cannot WAIT to get back to Ypsi. Jon and I are gonna get an apartment together, and it's going to be the most awesome apartment arrangement ever. I liked living with Adam, but he was always working or with Courtney, so I never really SAW him. Jon has said he won't be working, and as of this writing he's single, so maybe I'll actually be living with a friend this time around. I don't blame Adam, though, he had to do so much just to stay afloat, it was nuts. I just need to get through this small-time bullshit and get out there.
I may take -one- more Japanese class at OCC, and it'll be out of convenience. I'll have all my Humanities credits out of the way if I do, and when I transfer to Eastern, if I don't test high enough on my own studies, I'll at least qualify to get into the Intermediate courses there. What I mean is, if I was good enough after studying under Mark Kane, I could take an aptitude test and sail past a course or two, although that's an ideal situation. I can work at it, though.
Sean
This will be the only Japanese course I take at OCC, because this teacher is the only one who teaches it, and she's got a bitchy attitude. I will not put up with this shit for three more semesters. The first issue was when I missed a class, and she asked if I e-mailed her, and was being a bitch about semantics. The second was when she called on me to translate a sentence in Japanese. I knew I had been called on, and when I did, I went to read the sentence. Proper course of action, no? But she KEPT calling on me. First, it was "the gentleman sitting against the wall", then, "with the gray shirt", then, "with the long hair," then, "sitting alone with no one around him" (it was really only in front and back-- I WAS sitting NEXT to someone) and things like that. Each of those new comments would distract me from reading, so it was about a minute of that shit before I got to do what she asked me to. Fuck that class. I have the books, which we'll be using up until the LAST of FOUR COURSES, and Dr Mark Kane, who WON'T act like such an asshole, and WON'T take TWO FUCKING HOURS to teach a couple of things!!
Logic is still interesting, and there's really only one problem with it, and it's this chick who's kinda slow who always manages to stray into me and Richy's group, scraping for answers rather than contributing. She has an annoying voice and doesn't think, yet expects us to work for her. We don't. Last session she started wandering to other groups, so that's a positive sign.
Oh, I got a paper topic approved! "Transhumanism," which I've tentatively defined as "the artificial evolution of humanity by humanity." The issue (which in Logic terms, is a specific question about a general topic, something quite different from the Sean-Gripe definition) I've "found" is whether or not it will be realized, and the position I took was "yes." Basically, we're not just gonna replace, but enhance our bodies through medicine and technology. It sounds like we do that now, but I'm talking in the EXTREME, and not just pace makers and false limbs.
PoliSci would be loads of fun if the prof weren't so adversarial in his tone and the students weren't so dumb. They don't understand that despite the way it sounds, he's not trying to argue with or shit on anyone. He's trying to lecture. But there are at least two women who are dead set on "beating him" in an "argument." Ugh.
I'm not just irritable and grumpy, though, I've wandered into "intolerable" now. I'm finding it increasingly harder to deal with boredom. Grandma and I went to see the DSO perform some Samuel Barber stuff, and most of it was fun, but one of the longer pieces, Barber's Piano Concerto or something, was SO BORING. It was technically brilliant, but aesthetically anesthetic. Luckily they ended with Don Quixote, which was beautiful, if long (forty-minutes-for-one-song long). And yesterday, Dad was at Grandma's, and it was the usual goofiness until the Michaeliks showed up. Out of a sense of politeness, Ken, Derek, and I just shut up and sat around while the Grown-Ups talked. The Michaeliks were nice guys, but for most of the two hours we were there, we weren't hanging out with Dad and Grandma, we were watching them hang out with the Michaeliks. I'll admit I used dinner as an excuse, and I'm really sorry that I did, but I couldn't take it. I also wanted coke, and that gnawed at me for a while there too.
But I've become intolerable of minute pieces of boredom. And it's another one of those things I throw into the mix when I ask "How do regular people do this when I can't?!" Among that, there's "16 credit hour semesters," "40+ work hours a week AND having a life," "Work AND school AND life" "Put up with X amount of shit for X amount of time," (that one is best illustrated with Jonathan's job at Lowe's, where he's been working for a year and a half since he graduated college, and always talks about how he hates it, although it extends to much more than just occupation), but there are more, which either escape me at the moment or I haven't managed to make into a thought that would be coherent to someone else. How am I so intolerant of insignificant boredom when everyone else is fine?
I'm probably just stressed. I don't really unwind, either, I just screw around/procrastinate. But there are some things keeping it together for me, and one of them is time with friends. There's a real reason I refuse to give up social time, and it's because it helps to have people around. There's something my brother wrote once, about how he had previously believed he shouldn't be so close to his friends because they'd all leave, but it's something I completely reject. The only way my friends are getting away from me is kicking and screaming, and even then, most won't make it. Trust me on that one.
One gleaming light at the end of the tunnel is Eastern. I cannot WAIT to get back to Ypsi. Jon and I are gonna get an apartment together, and it's going to be the most awesome apartment arrangement ever. I liked living with Adam, but he was always working or with Courtney, so I never really SAW him. Jon has said he won't be working, and as of this writing he's single, so maybe I'll actually be living with a friend this time around. I don't blame Adam, though, he had to do so much just to stay afloat, it was nuts. I just need to get through this small-time bullshit and get out there.
I may take -one- more Japanese class at OCC, and it'll be out of convenience. I'll have all my Humanities credits out of the way if I do, and when I transfer to Eastern, if I don't test high enough on my own studies, I'll at least qualify to get into the Intermediate courses there. What I mean is, if I was good enough after studying under Mark Kane, I could take an aptitude test and sail past a course or two, although that's an ideal situation. I can work at it, though.
Sean
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