Alright. There's a disconnect here. I'm looking for "where" and having trouble.
I think I know what you're saying, but to be honest, even the people closest around me are entirely incomprehensible to me at times. I dunno why I just don't get things that seem obvious, but it happens.
Like any attempt to pin a behavioral trait, whatever I said is subject to exception, and doesn't strictly apply to reality. I know that. I also exaggerated, because I was probably in some sort of mood. If I were even half-right about a single sweeping statement I've made, I'd be invited to soooo many thinktanks and conferences and whatnot for my "unique insight" on human behavior.
As for not getting my hopes up, well, the thing about my plans is that they take place over months and years. Nine months so far, and over a year to go. This will happen, barring catastrophe. I will finish OCC, at the very least. The rest is theoretical, but I need to have an idea for something, because going in blind has not served me well in the past. If it seems like I'm expecting everything to go right all the time, please keep in mind that I'm hoping for the best. I do have plans for the worst, and everything in between, but I'm through wandering and wondering. It's gotten me nowhere, and I'm sick of nowhere.
It's slow going. I am impatient. At this point, I might start taking full time classes instead of part-time, since I know how stupidly low the work requirement actually is at this school. Maybe it won't take another fifteen months. Who knows?
Sean
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Blegf
I must have written a half a dozen drafts that won't be posted. Some of them are dreary, some of them are super-political, and I just stopped writing halfway through each of them. I dunno what to say in this blog anymore. This one will be full neurotic rambling too, but I feel like that's a drag to read, and that makes me ask why I'm writing. Pretty lame circle of events. I'll keep people updated in the same way I have been, I spose.
So, seeing my last post was before I started school this semester, here's how classes are--- they suck. I keep going into them all naive and optimistic, only to be let down. Constantly. Only Japanese has been good. We got a really easy-going teacher, and a class of six or so people. I was surprised to find how much I enjoy a tiny class. He keeps us on our toes, too, so I may actually be learning.
It is not so with English and Psych. If I've learned anything, it's the same lesson I learned with Logic-- expectations are extremely low. Psych is just the same song and dance as it was in Summer II, homework is notes, and every class is a ridiculous lecture with a quiz or test. And I mean ridiculous lecture. This man says things that make ME uncomfortable. God, I cannot believe the foolish things this man says. How he got a PhD will forever be a mystery to me. I'm not going to repeat anything he says, because his ideas are so stupid or inappropriate that they make me cringe. For a man who proclaims his love for science, that his religion is science, and that more people need to think like scientists, well, he does the opposite. He speaks largely in supposition and makes broad conclusions based on anecdotal premises! AAAAUGGGH. He makes my brain cry blood.
It took me three weeks to figure out this English Composition class is a waste of my time and money. We began writing drafts of our first paper (which I'm sort of working on while I write this) and then started talking about grammar. I almost perked at that, because even though I use things like commas and apostrophes, I was sure I would learn something I hadn't known before, like semi-colons. Yeah, I never -really- know where to use a semi-colon. But... then we started going over things I learned in seventh grade. I was having flashbacks. When we started doing class work, it consisted of identifying where commas and periods go. PEOPLE WERE GETTING THEM WRONG. I'm sorry, if you come out of high school not knowing what's wrong with a run on sentence, you need to go back.
The paper is due tomorrow. The subject is a remembered event, and has to be under a thousand words. I'm basically done. It's not great, but ya know what? It doesn't have to be. Not when the people around me are barely literate. I'm done getting myself twisted up over OCC, because nothing will need to be absolutely perfect, and I'd just be wasting sleep on worry.
That's basically where I am in life right now. There's no one around to impress, no reason to buckle down, no reason to sell out or change. It's boring and frustrating, but I still find hope in planning. Last time I wrote a little about my Adult theory, and I'm gonna write a little more. It may even have to do with what I wrote in the other part of this paragraph!
Adulthood, the way I see it, is a personality trait. I don't believe everyone has it, and I'm not gonna venture into actual psychology to try and validate it or explain where it comes from. Just observation. Not all mature people are Adults, I would say, because my definition is more narrow. Adults are boring. Adults thrive in the mundane. They exist to fulfill expectation. Weird, unspoken, alien expectations. They don't do things that are "silly" or "stupid", because that is not what Adults do. Not prim and proper, more like "stuck." Stuck in the day-to-day, stuck in their jobs, stuck in minute problems. Never fantasizing, never dreaming, never creating.
I can't begin to guess how many Adults there are according to my somewhat specific category. I wouldn't say all, I wouldn't say most, but I would say a substantial amount. I don't understand them at all. They're alien to me. Part of why I speak so much about politics and religion is because those are things I can bring up and connect with virtually everyone on, regardless of stance. They're like trade languages. But go outside of those things, and your choices are left at small talk. I loathe small talk.
The thing they have going for them, though, is that they're often functioning members of society. They get the grades and jobs they're expected to, they have the relationships they're expected to. They make things work.
And now to tie things together! It is my plan, though more long-term than short, to craft Adult Sean. This will happen more after I've gone to Eastern, where I have the space to do the things needed to form this new persona. The aim is more towards Gentleman Sean than Adult Sean, but more on that in a minute. I sort of conveyed the idea to grandma, who suggested I be myself, but as I told her, if myself is dysfunctional in the "real world," then I need to at least lie and pretend I function. It would be a lie because I am not an Adult, you see.
Gentleman is a bit different. I use the word more in the way of "man's man" than "prim and proper." I've read some ideas on what a modern gentleman might be, and I like some of it. Not just on a date, and not just etiquette, but all the time gentlemanliness. Sociable, knowledgeable, fun, and small doses of silly? Sign me up. The whole premise is an ideal, and I think fewer people are capable of being so... capable, I guess, as these gentleman-theorists would say while peddling a book or seminar or something (I saw a link for a seminar and shook my head). But this too would require fundamental changes in my behavior.
That's what I like thinking about, when I think about my future. Mostly, it's because I'm tired of being in my house, tired of being a child. You're always a child in your parents' house, and I want out. It's just gonna take time. I'm planning out a few meals for Fine Dining Night at my place in Ypsi. I'm not very far into the actual meal itself (I'm on the appetizer-- grilled tomato gazpacho), but I can already see who's there and how surprised they are that I could do something SO FUCKING CLASSY. It knocks their socks off and I win.
Sean
So, seeing my last post was before I started school this semester, here's how classes are--- they suck. I keep going into them all naive and optimistic, only to be let down. Constantly. Only Japanese has been good. We got a really easy-going teacher, and a class of six or so people. I was surprised to find how much I enjoy a tiny class. He keeps us on our toes, too, so I may actually be learning.
It is not so with English and Psych. If I've learned anything, it's the same lesson I learned with Logic-- expectations are extremely low. Psych is just the same song and dance as it was in Summer II, homework is notes, and every class is a ridiculous lecture with a quiz or test. And I mean ridiculous lecture. This man says things that make ME uncomfortable. God, I cannot believe the foolish things this man says. How he got a PhD will forever be a mystery to me. I'm not going to repeat anything he says, because his ideas are so stupid or inappropriate that they make me cringe. For a man who proclaims his love for science, that his religion is science, and that more people need to think like scientists, well, he does the opposite. He speaks largely in supposition and makes broad conclusions based on anecdotal premises! AAAAUGGGH. He makes my brain cry blood.
It took me three weeks to figure out this English Composition class is a waste of my time and money. We began writing drafts of our first paper (which I'm sort of working on while I write this) and then started talking about grammar. I almost perked at that, because even though I use things like commas and apostrophes, I was sure I would learn something I hadn't known before, like semi-colons. Yeah, I never -really- know where to use a semi-colon. But... then we started going over things I learned in seventh grade. I was having flashbacks. When we started doing class work, it consisted of identifying where commas and periods go. PEOPLE WERE GETTING THEM WRONG. I'm sorry, if you come out of high school not knowing what's wrong with a run on sentence, you need to go back.
The paper is due tomorrow. The subject is a remembered event, and has to be under a thousand words. I'm basically done. It's not great, but ya know what? It doesn't have to be. Not when the people around me are barely literate. I'm done getting myself twisted up over OCC, because nothing will need to be absolutely perfect, and I'd just be wasting sleep on worry.
That's basically where I am in life right now. There's no one around to impress, no reason to buckle down, no reason to sell out or change. It's boring and frustrating, but I still find hope in planning. Last time I wrote a little about my Adult theory, and I'm gonna write a little more. It may even have to do with what I wrote in the other part of this paragraph!
Adulthood, the way I see it, is a personality trait. I don't believe everyone has it, and I'm not gonna venture into actual psychology to try and validate it or explain where it comes from. Just observation. Not all mature people are Adults, I would say, because my definition is more narrow. Adults are boring. Adults thrive in the mundane. They exist to fulfill expectation. Weird, unspoken, alien expectations. They don't do things that are "silly" or "stupid", because that is not what Adults do. Not prim and proper, more like "stuck." Stuck in the day-to-day, stuck in their jobs, stuck in minute problems. Never fantasizing, never dreaming, never creating.
I can't begin to guess how many Adults there are according to my somewhat specific category. I wouldn't say all, I wouldn't say most, but I would say a substantial amount. I don't understand them at all. They're alien to me. Part of why I speak so much about politics and religion is because those are things I can bring up and connect with virtually everyone on, regardless of stance. They're like trade languages. But go outside of those things, and your choices are left at small talk. I loathe small talk.
The thing they have going for them, though, is that they're often functioning members of society. They get the grades and jobs they're expected to, they have the relationships they're expected to. They make things work.
And now to tie things together! It is my plan, though more long-term than short, to craft Adult Sean. This will happen more after I've gone to Eastern, where I have the space to do the things needed to form this new persona. The aim is more towards Gentleman Sean than Adult Sean, but more on that in a minute. I sort of conveyed the idea to grandma, who suggested I be myself, but as I told her, if myself is dysfunctional in the "real world," then I need to at least lie and pretend I function. It would be a lie because I am not an Adult, you see.
Gentleman is a bit different. I use the word more in the way of "man's man" than "prim and proper." I've read some ideas on what a modern gentleman might be, and I like some of it. Not just on a date, and not just etiquette, but all the time gentlemanliness. Sociable, knowledgeable, fun, and small doses of silly? Sign me up. The whole premise is an ideal, and I think fewer people are capable of being so... capable, I guess, as these gentleman-theorists would say while peddling a book or seminar or something (I saw a link for a seminar and shook my head). But this too would require fundamental changes in my behavior.
That's what I like thinking about, when I think about my future. Mostly, it's because I'm tired of being in my house, tired of being a child. You're always a child in your parents' house, and I want out. It's just gonna take time. I'm planning out a few meals for Fine Dining Night at my place in Ypsi. I'm not very far into the actual meal itself (I'm on the appetizer-- grilled tomato gazpacho), but I can already see who's there and how surprised they are that I could do something SO FUCKING CLASSY. It knocks their socks off and I win.
Sean
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
School in... five days??
Just ordered my books for Psych and English. The books I got for Japanese are good for three classes-- the one I took, the one I'm taking, and the one I will be taking in the fall.
I'm feeling better about this semester. English Comp should be a no-brainer, since it's required to graduate. Child Psych will hopefully be less of an ordeal than Summer II's Intro to Psych, if only because I have to go once a week instead of twice. Japanese will be the most tasking, I think. That one requires less regurgitation and more actual thought. I've been peeking ahead so I can start off well.
I spoke with my dad the other day about programming. I've been looking at an assortment of guides on beginner's stuff, but none of it's really going anywhere. They walk me through the Hello World program, make a few other points (this C++ one I'm reading is more thorough, with loops and variables and conditional whatchacall'ems) and then say "Good luck." I don't know what I'm supposed to do with whatever knowledge I've gleaned. I've read that practice is the name of the game, but... what the hell am I supposed to practice, exactly? I can make a crappy calculator in C. I suppose part of the problem is that I'm not focusing. I looked at guides in C, C++, and Python, and my friend Bill said he'd lend me a book on Java if he didn't already give it away.
The whole reason I thought about programming was because I saw a group on Facebook for Haiku OS-- a successor to BeOS, something we'd used when I was a kid. There wasn't a whole lot to it, as I remember, but that's because I was a kid, and all I did on the computer at that time was write and play games (not that it's much different now). I want to get into programming because I want to know how Be worked, how Haiku works, and mostly, so I can contribute to open-source community projects. I fell in love with the idea of community-run development when I read about Linux. About how many man hours Linux took to develop and how much it would have cost a software company. What resonated with me was the fact that things like Linux can thrive purely because enough people care, and the amount of infrastructure and wage slavery to produce the same thing with the same quality is almost infeasible.
The points I am trying together are; "I'm not getting anywhere with programming because I'm looking at too many things", and "I want to aid in the development of open source awesomeness, like HaikuOS." I originally just wanted to learn Python, because it's said to be clear cut and powerful. However, Haiku is being developed in C++, so I'd either need to start there, or learn it concurrently with Python. And I desperately need some good, guided study, not a "Just practice!" pep talk.
POLITICAL IDEOLOGY TALK! I watched a video this morning about how Neo-Nazi's are using the incredible levels of hatred in the radical conservative movement to work their way into mainstream politics. How insane has the world gone when Neo-Nazi's are being taken seriously in America?! The video, a news report by Al Jazeera English, either shows or suggests (point of view, I'd say) that a lot of the fervor being whipped up by people like Tea Party jackoffs and GLENN BECK, MAY HE BURN FOREVER, has a lot to do with racism. The fact that the National Socialist Movement (ie, Neo-Nazi's) have adopted the same rhetoric as mainstream conservatives makes the swelling of "real patriots" somewhat HOLYSHITHORRIFYING. Man, if I ever met that Joe the Plumber douchebag, I'm gonna love seeing the look on his face when I tell him there are some Nazi's who agree with him in his politics. SERIOUSLY, NAZI'S. Nazi's aren't the reason I'm gonna post the video, though. I heard this guy talking about the Tea Party people, and the message of "taking back OUR America," and it was interesting to me because of the kind of America these people want, since it's a totally implicit statement. The video says a primarily Christian America, and, to tie in to the rest of the its message, White, Christian America. I'd say the relationship between white people and the message of a Christian America is spurious, but no one can say authoritatively either way, I suppose.
Sean
I'm feeling better about this semester. English Comp should be a no-brainer, since it's required to graduate. Child Psych will hopefully be less of an ordeal than Summer II's Intro to Psych, if only because I have to go once a week instead of twice. Japanese will be the most tasking, I think. That one requires less regurgitation and more actual thought. I've been peeking ahead so I can start off well.
I spoke with my dad the other day about programming. I've been looking at an assortment of guides on beginner's stuff, but none of it's really going anywhere. They walk me through the Hello World program, make a few other points (this C++ one I'm reading is more thorough, with loops and variables and conditional whatchacall'ems) and then say "Good luck." I don't know what I'm supposed to do with whatever knowledge I've gleaned. I've read that practice is the name of the game, but... what the hell am I supposed to practice, exactly? I can make a crappy calculator in C. I suppose part of the problem is that I'm not focusing. I looked at guides in C, C++, and Python, and my friend Bill said he'd lend me a book on Java if he didn't already give it away.
The whole reason I thought about programming was because I saw a group on Facebook for Haiku OS-- a successor to BeOS, something we'd used when I was a kid. There wasn't a whole lot to it, as I remember, but that's because I was a kid, and all I did on the computer at that time was write and play games (not that it's much different now). I want to get into programming because I want to know how Be worked, how Haiku works, and mostly, so I can contribute to open-source community projects. I fell in love with the idea of community-run development when I read about Linux. About how many man hours Linux took to develop and how much it would have cost a software company. What resonated with me was the fact that things like Linux can thrive purely because enough people care, and the amount of infrastructure and wage slavery to produce the same thing with the same quality is almost infeasible.
The points I am trying together are; "I'm not getting anywhere with programming because I'm looking at too many things", and "I want to aid in the development of open source awesomeness, like HaikuOS." I originally just wanted to learn Python, because it's said to be clear cut and powerful. However, Haiku is being developed in C++, so I'd either need to start there, or learn it concurrently with Python. And I desperately need some good, guided study, not a "Just practice!" pep talk.
POLITICAL IDEOLOGY TALK! I watched a video this morning about how Neo-Nazi's are using the incredible levels of hatred in the radical conservative movement to work their way into mainstream politics. How insane has the world gone when Neo-Nazi's are being taken seriously in America?! The video, a news report by Al Jazeera English, either shows or suggests (point of view, I'd say) that a lot of the fervor being whipped up by people like Tea Party jackoffs and GLENN BECK, MAY HE BURN FOREVER, has a lot to do with racism. The fact that the National Socialist Movement (ie, Neo-Nazi's) have adopted the same rhetoric as mainstream conservatives makes the swelling of "real patriots" somewhat HOLYSHITHORRIFYING. Man, if I ever met that Joe the Plumber douchebag, I'm gonna love seeing the look on his face when I tell him there are some Nazi's who agree with him in his politics. SERIOUSLY, NAZI'S. Nazi's aren't the reason I'm gonna post the video, though. I heard this guy talking about the Tea Party people, and the message of "taking back OUR America," and it was interesting to me because of the kind of America these people want, since it's a totally implicit statement. The video says a primarily Christian America, and, to tie in to the rest of the its message, White, Christian America. I'd say the relationship between white people and the message of a Christian America is spurious, but no one can say authoritatively either way, I suppose.
Sean
Saturday, December 26, 2009
A very useable Christmas
Aside from candy, which always ends up in the stocking, I got three physical items for Christmas-- a beer-brewing kit, some gym shorts, and a bottle of Drakkar Noir. Everything else was in glorious gift-card form.
Okay, when I wrote the above, it was before Jonathan had called me. I have since received two more items;
a t-shirt with the name of my podcasting persona, Xenu, and
The Grey Knights Omnibus, a book.
Jon got Bill and I shirts because when he records with us, he forgets our fake names, and has to be edited. The Grey Knights thing is a part of this wargaming hobby, Warhammer 40,000. The book is a collection of stories and fictional history on the group, and it's huge.
I'm still not a fan of Christmas as a secular holiday, because consumerism is wasteful and things like the instances of people being trampled in the name of a good deal greatly disgusts me. The idea that millions of us are celebrating material wealth is abhorrent. Does it make me a hypocrite? Oh, absolutely! I try to justify my participation by spouting conscientious shit, but in the end, I still go and get what people ask me to buy for them. I always talk about what I receive. This year I feel slightly better because of the fact that I will use every bit of it, but it's still part and parcel of that black, gnawing Thirteenth Month. I want to break free of this crap.
But looking at it all, I do feel kinda good about the haul this year. Aside from those few things up there, I got a ton of gift cards, and I love gift cards. They're sort of like giving experiences, in the sense that I do such-and-such in my everyday life, but because I got a gift card, I can do it cheaper or more often. $55 to AMC? Hellllllll yeah. $25 to Outback? Yeeeeeaaaaah! Subway card, gas cards, and a straight-cash debit/gift cardthing? Perfect! Supplementing my regular lifestyle may not be the anti-imperial, anti-consumerist, anti-global whateverism that would be good for everyone, but helping me be me is good enough until I can be a Responsible Adult.
I have more theories about Adults, based on observations while hanging out with my friends. There's a friend of mine who would look like my best friend if written out on paper, but we barely talk to each other, and the difference in personality, I believe, comes from her being an Adult. I'm trying to codify it in my own less-scientific-and-more-so-I-can-remember-what-I-was-thinking kind of way. So far, all I can say is that it is a personality trait, and when I see someone as an Adult, it becomes the primary label. I'll have more eventually, I'm sure. It's just sort of hard to convey.
Sean
Okay, when I wrote the above, it was before Jonathan had called me. I have since received two more items;
a t-shirt with the name of my podcasting persona, Xenu, and
The Grey Knights Omnibus, a book.
Jon got Bill and I shirts because when he records with us, he forgets our fake names, and has to be edited. The Grey Knights thing is a part of this wargaming hobby, Warhammer 40,000. The book is a collection of stories and fictional history on the group, and it's huge.
I'm still not a fan of Christmas as a secular holiday, because consumerism is wasteful and things like the instances of people being trampled in the name of a good deal greatly disgusts me. The idea that millions of us are celebrating material wealth is abhorrent. Does it make me a hypocrite? Oh, absolutely! I try to justify my participation by spouting conscientious shit, but in the end, I still go and get what people ask me to buy for them. I always talk about what I receive. This year I feel slightly better because of the fact that I will use every bit of it, but it's still part and parcel of that black, gnawing Thirteenth Month. I want to break free of this crap.
But looking at it all, I do feel kinda good about the haul this year. Aside from those few things up there, I got a ton of gift cards, and I love gift cards. They're sort of like giving experiences, in the sense that I do such-and-such in my everyday life, but because I got a gift card, I can do it cheaper or more often. $55 to AMC? Hellllllll yeah. $25 to Outback? Yeeeeeaaaaah! Subway card, gas cards, and a straight-cash debit/gift cardthing? Perfect! Supplementing my regular lifestyle may not be the anti-imperial, anti-consumerist, anti-global whateverism that would be good for everyone, but helping me be me is good enough until I can be a Responsible Adult.
I have more theories about Adults, based on observations while hanging out with my friends. There's a friend of mine who would look like my best friend if written out on paper, but we barely talk to each other, and the difference in personality, I believe, comes from her being an Adult. I'm trying to codify it in my own less-scientific-and-more-so-I-can-remember-what-I-was-thinking kind of way. So far, all I can say is that it is a personality trait, and when I see someone as an Adult, it becomes the primary label. I'll have more eventually, I'm sure. It's just sort of hard to convey.
Sean
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A decent sleep
Sleep's been wonky til now-- got at least 12 hours overall last night after a couple days of 3 and 4.
Grades are supposedly due from teachers today, though I don't know what that means for when they'll actually be posted. Japanese ended well, and I'm hoping PoliSci did too, but I couldn't tell, because that prof doesn't return tests or anything.
Next semester's lineup!
Child Development- Tuesday, 9-noon. Took it for more psych, felt it was more towards the bottom when thinking that I would work "from the bottom, up." I've had this prof before, for Intro to Psych, and he's kind of a nut, but the class I have now is the same length and only once a week, so that'll be nice.
English Composition I- Friday, 9-noon. Required credit. I took the section that had a lab attached to it so that I would avoid any unforeseeable and horribly timed tech problems at home. Also kinda hoping it's enough of a no-brainer to screw around on the internet.
Beginning Japanese II- Saturday, 9:30-1:30. I'm hoping that once-a-week will be less painful. I learned that the lady who taught Beg. I isn't teaching Beg. II, so I'm breathing a small sigh of relief. I'm also planning to start studying ahead, as soon as this holiday garbage is done. I can't believe how much time it's taking up.
I need to find a good, short hair style for when I grow up. Right now, all I can think to do is buzz my head again.
Grades are supposedly due from teachers today, though I don't know what that means for when they'll actually be posted. Japanese ended well, and I'm hoping PoliSci did too, but I couldn't tell, because that prof doesn't return tests or anything.
Next semester's lineup!
Child Development- Tuesday, 9-noon. Took it for more psych, felt it was more towards the bottom when thinking that I would work "from the bottom, up." I've had this prof before, for Intro to Psych, and he's kind of a nut, but the class I have now is the same length and only once a week, so that'll be nice.
English Composition I- Friday, 9-noon. Required credit. I took the section that had a lab attached to it so that I would avoid any unforeseeable and horribly timed tech problems at home. Also kinda hoping it's enough of a no-brainer to screw around on the internet.
Beginning Japanese II- Saturday, 9:30-1:30. I'm hoping that once-a-week will be less painful. I learned that the lady who taught Beg. I isn't teaching Beg. II, so I'm breathing a small sigh of relief. I'm also planning to start studying ahead, as soon as this holiday garbage is done. I can't believe how much time it's taking up.
I need to find a good, short hair style for when I grow up. Right now, all I can think to do is buzz my head again.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGH
^ The sound of my balls breaking.
First, happy news. Jon got his official acceptance letter to Eastern's MA of History program, yaaaaaay! To celebrate, we got pizza and watched a documentary.
Aggravating news. Trying to get loans and such for school, and am getting retarded mixed signals. Tried applying directly for a Stafford loan, they said they weren't available for OCC. Odd, fine, so I went to Sallie Mae, since they had actually loaned me money without problems. Got everything done, checked my e-mail regularly for a few days, and tonight, not being able to sleep for whatever annoying reason, I came down and checked again. Sallie Mae sent me something saying that they couldn't process the loan because of "missing or discrepant" information, and that I should go fix it. There's a problem with that.
NOWHERE DOES IT SAY WHAT I NEED TO FUCKING FIX.
Not in the e-mail, not on the site, nowhere. In fact, all it DOES say is that the Borrower Action is complete! That I'm -done-, and all that needs to happen is that my school needs to get their ass in gear. I'm gonna have to call tomorrow and hope I don't lose my mind dealing with this stupid shit.
Already planning a worst-case scenario, I don't get into more classes this semester, I wander around looking for a job, and I run screaming back to Eastern as soon as possible, which could mean May if I'm feeling desperate. Financial aid has been so ridiculous at OCC, compared to the complete non-issue it was at EMU, so I have no concerns about getting loans for it, but I say May rather than January because at the point that I would give up on OCC (about a week, since that's when money is due, and my classes will be auto-dropped without it), it's rather late in the game to tell Eastern I want back in for the Winter semester. Although maybe not. I dunno for sure.
I would like things to go right for more than a little while at a time.
Sean
First, happy news. Jon got his official acceptance letter to Eastern's MA of History program, yaaaaaay! To celebrate, we got pizza and watched a documentary.
Aggravating news. Trying to get loans and such for school, and am getting retarded mixed signals. Tried applying directly for a Stafford loan, they said they weren't available for OCC. Odd, fine, so I went to Sallie Mae, since they had actually loaned me money without problems. Got everything done, checked my e-mail regularly for a few days, and tonight, not being able to sleep for whatever annoying reason, I came down and checked again. Sallie Mae sent me something saying that they couldn't process the loan because of "missing or discrepant" information, and that I should go fix it. There's a problem with that.
NOWHERE DOES IT SAY WHAT I NEED TO FUCKING FIX.
Not in the e-mail, not on the site, nowhere. In fact, all it DOES say is that the Borrower Action is complete! That I'm -done-, and all that needs to happen is that my school needs to get their ass in gear. I'm gonna have to call tomorrow and hope I don't lose my mind dealing with this stupid shit.
Already planning a worst-case scenario, I don't get into more classes this semester, I wander around looking for a job, and I run screaming back to Eastern as soon as possible, which could mean May if I'm feeling desperate. Financial aid has been so ridiculous at OCC, compared to the complete non-issue it was at EMU, so I have no concerns about getting loans for it, but I say May rather than January because at the point that I would give up on OCC (about a week, since that's when money is due, and my classes will be auto-dropped without it), it's rather late in the game to tell Eastern I want back in for the Winter semester. Although maybe not. I dunno for sure.
I would like things to go right for more than a little while at a time.
Sean
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Fucked up my plans again through the same incredible ineptitude. Will be taking school slower in light of magnificently bombing this fucking Logic paper. I could theoretically fix it, but my test scores, along with looking at the rubric for the position paper, shows I'm not getting it. I'm extremely disappointed. It was just one more class in my workload, and I'm still not doing as well as I did in the summer. I don't understand how I can't handle the same work as anyone else. If I had the words, if I thought I could form the arguments at all, I'd still be working on it. Switching the argument means starting back at zero and going to three thousand words and brand new sources, which, between now and Wednesday is infeasible because of the fact I need to study for two tests in Japanese-- yeah, for some reason, two in the same week. I'm not doing poorly there, but I can't afford to skimp on studying anymore. There's no time, there aren't enough words, there's no inspiration. I really like Logic, too, which breaks my heart to know I suck at it so much. Kind of like my sketching class. History repeats itself, and I'm sort of hoping it's not going to continue as a trend-- that is, doing terribly at the things I enjoy.
Addendum- I also forgot to check in on Bear like I said I would. It's been a pretty good week for being a giant waste of flesh.
Addendum- I also forgot to check in on Bear like I said I would. It's been a pretty good week for being a giant waste of flesh.
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