A very useable Christmas

Aside from candy, which always ends up in the stocking, I got three physical items for Christmas-- a beer-brewing kit, some gym shorts, and a bottle of Drakkar Noir. Everything else was in glorious gift-card form.

Okay, when I wrote the above, it was before Jonathan had called me. I have since received two more items;

a t-shirt with the name of my podcasting persona, Xenu, and
The Grey Knights Omnibus, a book.

Jon got Bill and I shirts because when he records with us, he forgets our fake names, and has to be edited. The Grey Knights thing is a part of this wargaming hobby, Warhammer 40,000. The book is a collection of stories and fictional history on the group, and it's huge.

I'm still not a fan of Christmas as a secular holiday, because consumerism is wasteful and things like the instances of people being trampled in the name of a good deal greatly disgusts me. The idea that millions of us are celebrating material wealth is abhorrent. Does it make me a hypocrite? Oh, absolutely! I try to justify my participation by spouting conscientious shit, but in the end, I still go and get what people ask me to buy for them. I always talk about what I receive. This year I feel slightly better because of the fact that I will use every bit of it, but it's still part and parcel of that black, gnawing Thirteenth Month. I want to break free of this crap.

But looking at it all, I do feel kinda good about the haul this year. Aside from those few things up there, I got a ton of gift cards, and I love gift cards. They're sort of like giving experiences, in the sense that I do such-and-such in my everyday life, but because I got a gift card, I can do it cheaper or more often. $55 to AMC? Hellllllll yeah. $25 to Outback? Yeeeeeaaaaah! Subway card, gas cards, and a straight-cash debit/gift cardthing? Perfect! Supplementing my regular lifestyle may not be the anti-imperial, anti-consumerist, anti-global whateverism that would be good for everyone, but helping me be me is good enough until I can be a Responsible Adult.

I have more theories about Adults, based on observations while hanging out with my friends. There's a friend of mine who would look like my best friend if written out on paper, but we barely talk to each other, and the difference in personality, I believe, comes from her being an Adult. I'm trying to codify it in my own less-scientific-and-more-so-I-can-remember-what-I-was-thinking kind of way. So far, all I can say is that it is a personality trait, and when I see someone as an Adult, it becomes the primary label. I'll have more eventually, I'm sure. It's just sort of hard to convey.

Sean

A decent sleep

Sleep's been wonky til now-- got at least 12 hours overall last night after a couple days of 3 and 4.

Grades are supposedly due from teachers today, though I don't know what that means for when they'll actually be posted. Japanese ended well, and I'm hoping PoliSci did too, but I couldn't tell, because that prof doesn't return tests or anything.

Next semester's lineup!

Child Development- Tuesday, 9-noon. Took it for more psych, felt it was more towards the bottom when thinking that I would work "from the bottom, up." I've had this prof before, for Intro to Psych, and he's kind of a nut, but the class I have now is the same length and only once a week, so that'll be nice.

English Composition I- Friday, 9-noon. Required credit. I took the section that had a lab attached to it so that I would avoid any unforeseeable and horribly timed tech problems at home. Also kinda hoping it's enough of a no-brainer to screw around on the internet.

Beginning Japanese II- Saturday, 9:30-1:30. I'm hoping that once-a-week will be less painful. I learned that the lady who taught Beg. I isn't teaching Beg. II, so I'm breathing a small sigh of relief. I'm also planning to start studying ahead, as soon as this holiday garbage is done. I can't believe how much time it's taking up.

I need to find a good, short hair style for when I grow up. Right now, all I can think to do is buzz my head again.

AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGH

^ The sound of my balls breaking.

First, happy news. Jon got his official acceptance letter to Eastern's MA of History program, yaaaaaay! To celebrate, we got pizza and watched a documentary.

Aggravating news. Trying to get loans and such for school, and am getting retarded mixed signals. Tried applying directly for a Stafford loan, they said they weren't available for OCC. Odd, fine, so I went to Sallie Mae, since they had actually loaned me money without problems. Got everything done, checked my e-mail regularly for a few days, and tonight, not being able to sleep for whatever annoying reason, I came down and checked again. Sallie Mae sent me something saying that they couldn't process the loan because of "missing or discrepant" information, and that I should go fix it. There's a problem with that.

NOWHERE DOES IT SAY WHAT I NEED TO FUCKING FIX.

Not in the e-mail, not on the site, nowhere. In fact, all it DOES say is that the Borrower Action is complete! That I'm -done-, and all that needs to happen is that my school needs to get their ass in gear. I'm gonna have to call tomorrow and hope I don't lose my mind dealing with this stupid shit.

Already planning a worst-case scenario, I don't get into more classes this semester, I wander around looking for a job, and I run screaming back to Eastern as soon as possible, which could mean May if I'm feeling desperate. Financial aid has been so ridiculous at OCC, compared to the complete non-issue it was at EMU, so I have no concerns about getting loans for it, but I say May rather than January because at the point that I would give up on OCC (about a week, since that's when money is due, and my classes will be auto-dropped without it), it's rather late in the game to tell Eastern I want back in for the Winter semester. Although maybe not. I dunno for sure.

I would like things to go right for more than a little while at a time.

Sean

Fucked up my plans again through the same incredible ineptitude. Will be taking school slower in light of magnificently bombing this fucking Logic paper. I could theoretically fix it, but my test scores, along with looking at the rubric for the position paper, shows I'm not getting it. I'm extremely disappointed. It was just one more class in my workload, and I'm still not doing as well as I did in the summer. I don't understand how I can't handle the same work as anyone else. If I had the words, if I thought I could form the arguments at all, I'd still be working on it. Switching the argument means starting back at zero and going to three thousand words and brand new sources, which, between now and Wednesday is infeasible because of the fact I need to study for two tests in Japanese-- yeah, for some reason, two in the same week. I'm not doing poorly there, but I can't afford to skimp on studying anymore. There's no time, there aren't enough words, there's no inspiration. I really like Logic, too, which breaks my heart to know I suck at it so much. Kind of like my sketching class. History repeats itself, and I'm sort of hoping it's not going to continue as a trend-- that is, doing terribly at the things I enjoy.

Addendum- I also forgot to check in on Bear like I said I would. It's been a pretty good week for being a giant waste of flesh.

He who has a strong enough why can bear almost any how.

^Friedrich Nietzsche. I have this toolbar in Firefox called StumbleUpon, and I dunno what I have chosen to have stumbled a page full of Nietzsche, but I like some of those quotes.

I got the three movies featuring Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter recently (Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and Red Dragon), and when I'm doing something quiet, I keep one of them on in the background. It makes me wish I was taking Abnormal Psychology now instead of later. The FBI agents from the "behavioral sciences" branch are practicing what's known now as forensic psychology. It's pretty cool, except for the part where one forensic psychologist said in an interview that he sometimes has to sit with probably dangerous criminals unattended to evaluate whether or not they're fit to stand trial. But it's cool, because Lecter was a psychiatrist, and former all-star forensic psychologist, and that's why people go to him in these movies when they need to track down a serial killer. It's revealed in the books (which I haven't read, but heard this interesting tidbit about) that unlike most psychopaths, Lecter had only one sign of psychological maladjustment-- animal cruelty (in childhood), one of many signs of Bad Things to Come. Otherwise he flew under the radar. He also didn't keep trophies of his victims (because he had eaten them). In Hannibal, Clarice tries to offer Lecter the FBI's psychological profile on him, which I would have been interested to hear more about, but he ignored the deal. A prequel DOES exist, but I heard it sucks.

I like Hannibal Lecter for reasons other than his complete badassery. I like that he's cultured. I like his handwriting (which is reportedly Copperplate font). I like how well and completely he uses symbols. I like that he made fun of Starling's shoes in Silence of the Lambs, and later bought her a great pair of heels in Hannibal. I like that he prefers to eat the rude. I like that he owned The Joy of Cooking.

Voting day was long and ball-breaking, but it's worth $115. I also found my wallet today, so I'll be able to deposit that check when I finally get it. This was my second co-chair vote, and my sixth overall election, so I put my name up for possible chairmanship in the future. $150 is worth the slightly extra amount of work.

I'm working on a few fine dinners to practice preparing keeping Ypsi in mind. I told Jon we'd be having Fine Dining nights, and I want to make it happen. So far I only have one course of one meal, but I've got time. It's an appetizer, a kind of Spanish tomato soup called gazpacho. I have to figure out what kind of main course to serve, and I definitely want a dessert in there, but I dunno what that'll be yet either. And wine. It sorta sounds like I'll try something safe at first, then play with some ideas later on. Who knows what'll happen?

Sleep has been completely off since Tuesday. I've napped a couple times, but now sleep comes whenever the hell it wants, instead of when I want it to. Not helpful, body.

Sean

On Purity

Thoughts on "purity" have been presented to me in two forms today; in PoliSci, and in Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (a DVD with some new scenes showing the cylon point of view up to season 2 or 3).

Today in PoliSci, my prof pointed out some quirks in the Republican party, citing the recent example of a New York Congressional election. Bigger name Republicans were actually voicing their support to a third party candidate, Douglas Hoffman, over the Republican nominee, Dede Scozzafava, which eventually led her to drop out of the race. He went on to the "purity" issue, but there's a term I want to dredge up first-- RINO, Republican In Name Only. It's used to describe anyone who isn't radically far to the right, such as moderate Republicans, or anyone who looks like they might be "workin' with Obamma" (second 'm' to emphasize the hickish pronunciation, rhymes with "Alabama"). And that acronym came to mind as we spoke in class about how being a "real Republican," even by the definitions of those within the party, is becoming more and more about a lockstep conservative ideology. One step out of line, you're not conservative/Republican (as the case warrants), you're one of THEM, the Impure, the gay, godless LIBERALS. It's kinda sad, kind of unnerving, and definitely off-putting.

Battlestar struck a different note in this "purity" line of thought. In this feature (I wouldn't call it a movie), mixed in with existing clips from the show (to illustrate the timeline) were new scenes showing what the cylons were up to the whole time, and it was surprising. As we got through it, we were shown the conflict within the cylon ranks, which weren't as clear in the show. Different models experienced life among the fleet and humans and began to question what they were doing. One knowingly fell in love with his human wife, and ended up committing suicide outside of the range of Resurrection instead of blowing up the ship he and his family lived on. It ends with the short truce between the humans and cylons, to which all cylon models save one set voted for-- the Ones. But even they had one "unit" among them who decided that the Ones and the rest of the cylons were wrong for attacking mankind. Another One told him that he would be boxed for his "new insights" ("boxing" is taking the consciousness of a cylon from its body and transferring it to a hub where it remains in stasis). They were then executed because the humans found them. It struck me as pertinent in a way. These thoughts had made these cylons "impure", and they would have to be suppressed, contained, or killed. The funny thing is that their experiences with humanity is what made them that way. The time spent among humans fostered compassion in a few of these cylons, and this was dangerous to an ideologically driven genocide.

I have to work a vote tomorrow, looking at fourteen hours of BLEH. I have tests all this week, too. BLEGH!!!

Sean

Halloween weekend

Halloween was fun. I didn't do anything special, really, but it could not have turned out better, in my opinion. Around 7:30, I left for Ypsi, not really knowing what to expect (previously I had been told a haunted house visit was going to happen, but it did not), but knowing that I'd be home in a short number of hours. I ended up bringing a small watermelon, since mom told me we had to eat it within a day or so, and I didn't want to eat it alone. It wasn't that good, though, which made me sad. We sat around playing Jenga for a while since a couple of us had never played. The group ended up being Ali, Doug, Courtney, Adam, and myself. I lost Jenga twice because my hands are so shaky. After giving up on Jenga, we watched a bit of I Know What You Did Last Summer, which sucked, and went for a walk, and it was one of the greatest walks I've had in a while. At first, we played a game called Slidey Pumpkin, which has two rules:

Kick the pumpkin piece, and
Slidey Pumpkin ends when the pumpkin piece is too slick (or SLIDEY) to kick anymore

Someone had smashed a pumpkin on Eastern's campus, and that's how that all started.

But walking with them, especially when there are more people, is too fun. When I'm out in that setting, I run and jump and get into all sorts of tomfoolery. I like to kick people under their feet as they're walking to really piss them off, and that turned into a fun cat-and-mouse game. Adam has this habit of jumping on people's backs, and the last two times he did it to me, I ran off with him pitifully clinging. The first time was on his birthday, and I ran for a block, then ran back, and it turned out to be a bad idea, because it was cold, and my asthma was just horrible for the next couple of hours (I didn't have my albuterol with me because my Advair has been so wonderful, breathing problems really haven't come up). I had also run that block uphill with someone on my back. So, this second time last night, Adam yelled "Uphill!", and I let him go (although that time, I had everything I needed to keep going if I so chose). I'm so glad to have a group of friends like these, where we can wrestle, climb on, and even tickle each other, and it's absolutely fine. It's freeing to have people who don't have tons of hangups. In fact, I'd say I have more hangups than they do. Courtney and Adam always tell me I can spend the night, and I hardly ever do because it feels odd to me, like I'm intruding on their space or time, although Adam has explained to me a number of times that this is not so.

They are the only people I know who I would say had "secular spirituality," even though I feel that phrase is retarded. They just have a remarkable freedom of being that I couldn't explain otherwise. They live a truth that a lot of people lose when focused on icons and dogma, by which I mean an open, intense agape love for the people around them. That's a core value in any faith, but how often do we see it, or even experience it in ourselves for others? But my friends make it easy for me.

I'm reading more and more about Christianity and Judaism, but I don't see information anymore, all I see is bias. It shines through any so-called refutation, and these barely veiled emotional stances making reading -anything- tough. Even the big-name stuff tastes funny. CS Lewis' "Mere Christianity" had me asking "THIS is the first word in modern apologetics?!" I don't want anyone's take on something, I want pure information, I want I want historical, linguistic, psychological, anthropological, sociological, and archaeological analysis, EVEN IF some of those things don't neatly apply. I AM asking "why" on a number of accounts, but the answers, I believe, lie heavily in many more areas of "what", so don't give me more of that "why" crap.

Today, I played an annual game of Cthulhu. It took place in 1928, in fictional Arkham, Massachusetts. Our group was approached by a professor at Miskatonic University to rescue a team who had gone to investigate a mansion, and were two weeks late. I played a cop, but we also had an archaeologist, a professor of Occult Studies, a private investigator, a reporter, and a Catholic priest. Some of us had "dark pasts," and mine was as a Sicilian criminal who was wanted all over Europe, but had found a niche as a cop in this small, out of the way New England town. We got up to this mansion, and the building, despite not being on the city's records, looked maintained. We hopped out of the truck and tried the doors, but they were locked, so we busted in with our crow bars. There was a monstrous, chimeric statue in the foyer, which later disappeared, and various side rooms. In the library, we found an English translation of the Necronomicon, a book of dark spells in Latin, which the priest, in reading, dropped and splashed holy water all over, and some book in Egyptian. We found a false book which acted as a switch, but we're still not sure what it did. After hearing some creaking overhead, I raced upstairs, shotgun in hand, pounding on a locked door and yelling that the police were here, and to open up. I saw a light through the keyhole, but there was no response. I kicked the door down, but I didn't see anyone, and was advised against wandering off. Going back downstairs, I watched our flank as they wandered through more rooms. On another set of stairs, I saw someone peek out, so I rushed over with a gun! When I saw a man on the stairs pointing a gun at me, I shot him twice, and Aaron, the gamemaster, said I got him in such a way that he would bleed out. But then he started saying words in a strange language, and all the lights started dying out, so I shot him in the head. Everyone had a problem with this, because saying that the dude was casting a spell wouldn't hold up in a court of law, but I didn't care, because I saved us some hassle. I then appropriated his wallet, because I was the cop, and who was going to arrest me? I got fifty bucks for my trouble. Continuing on, we ended up in a room with a piano and a comfy chair. The private investigator sat in it and began hearing the piano playing, then saw a woman playing it. I decided to plunk a few keys, but the PI started freaking out and grabbed his gun, saying that "she" was going to get us. The priest then sanctified the grounds, but I don't know whether or not it did anything, because we didn't test that room again. At one point, our archaeologist stared at a mirror that told the "future," that someone in the group was gonna kill her, but it never came true. After that, we went the side doors, and went to check our car, since we were starting to get freaked out, and they didn't like that I killed a guy. But our tires were slashed, and the transmission had been torn out and left on a seat for us. That was when we discovered the chimera statue missing. We -really- wanted to leave at that point, but it was starting to storm, and most of us were armed, so we decided to keep searching the house. At that point, I had seen movement upstairs, so that's where we headed. As it turned out, it was the guy I had shot in the head. He had reanimated. We rekilled him and tossed his body in the fire. We then found another haunted mirror, but we smashed it without viewing it (it was facing away from us at the time). We tried the next door, but whatever was on the other side turned the handle the other way, so I ran up to it, yelled that the police were, got no answer, and fired through the door with my shotgun. Upon inspection, it seems that I had killed another officer. Also in the room was a weaselly science guy, who claimed to have been from the first group and survived along with the cop for a couple of weeks... until I killed the cop. Since I had breached the door, it wasn't a good place to hide anymore, so we made him show us the way to the subbasement, where he claimed "they" went, where "they" chanted all night. We'd heard some of it when we were outside, but it stopped when I went over to the well (which was the apparent source) and yelled down, asking if they were the motherfuckers that trashed my car. Down, down the spiral staircase, below the well, and into a spiraling chamber filled with twelve cultists and their leader-- the asshole who asked us to come here in the first place! Again, I announced that the police were here, and that these chanting cultists needed to cease. They did not, so I started shooting them. At the bottom of the chamber was a pit of bubbling water, which was black and boiling. The rest of the gang started pitching in and killing cultists, but our noble reporter was tossed into the pit by the cult leader, and disappeared under the water when a giant tentacle grabbed her. After dispatching the leader and half the cult, the last six gave themselves up. At gunpoint, I made them line up and take their silly cloaks off, revealing regular (clothed) townsfolk-- all amassed in a secret sect trying to "awaken" the "great ones". They needed two sacrifices, but we saved them-- the reporter was the only live body to be lost to the monster. The cultists were armed, and one of them actually got a round off which struck me pretty badly, but then I killed him. Then, one by one, I executed each cultist that I felt didn't tell me enough about what they were doing until we were down to one, at which point the private investigator tackled me to prevent one last death. Our Occult Studies prof, who felt that his was the only true religion (he practiced voodoo), felt that it made sense to kill the last one, since the cultist went on about how they only "need one more, one new convert" to continue their goings-on, and so took his knife and killed the last cultist. All that remained of the sect was the books, and we were stealing those anyway. We spent the night in a secure room (one the statue wouldn't fit into, if it were indeed animate and dangerous) and trekked unmolested back to town the next day.

There are two basic rules to any Cthulhu game, one of which I learned today:

1 Don't read anything, it'll make you crazy, and
2 Ruthlessly dispose of everyone

I almost killed the rest of the group, thinking that one of them would be the "one convert," but I didn't. Instead, I told them that we didn't know each other, to never speak of what happened, and to never come back again. There were odd stories in subsequent days about grisly murders and a strange creature being seen swimming away in the ocean. I dunno what they meant >_>

Sean

two for two

^ZOMG CONSECUTIVE NEW POSTS.

After writing about my crappy paper, I caught up on several days of work, and it actually looks much better. Go figure.

I've been thinking a bit about politics lately. Mostly how much I hate it, but also where I stand on it all. The problem with my stances on anything is that they're always changing. When I first applied to work as an election inspector, I had to give them a party affiliation, because legally, in the state of Michigan, election inspector "boards" (those five people sitting around) have to have members representing at least two different parties. The reason for that is not corruption, as a friend of mine was quick to say, but because of voting laws. If a voter needed help marking the ballot, we have to have two people from differing parties help them, so as to avoid "voter bias." Same with ballot tabulation. A couple of people from two different parties check all the odd ballots and double check each others' work. Back then, I wrote "Libertarian," but I've seen the little sheet election chairmen get, and I'm listed as nothing. Not even "independent". My box was blank. Do I have to pay a party money to be officially recognized??

I used to think I was Libertarian, and that it was full of good ideas. I still kind of think they're good ideas, but only in an ideal situation. This US history class I took back in May showed me the real strength of a decentralized government. Care for a non-binding resolution, sir? The biggest thing I realized in that class wasn't about politics, though, it was that old adage about history repeating itself being true. The "largest, most advanced military force in the world being unable to truly defeat a guerrilla force" thing has happened far more often than I ever knew. But the topic of States Rights and decentralized government has happened twice to our own country, and failed both times. Yeah yeah, Civil War, blah blah. But I found out that America was FOUNDED on States' Rights! And also that it was really shitty, so they ditched the Articles of Confederation in favor of the Constitution, which set up a stronger, federal government. The states themselves were insular and uncooperative, which isn't to say they aren't anymore, but the federal government has the power to manage them now. The way I'm painting it sounds like I'm defining Libertarianism very narrowly, just speaking about "less central government," but there are deeper statements rooted in the philosophy that I cannot agree with, mainly the idea that individual people know what's best for them. I'd love to say it was true, but I've met people, and I know it's hopelessly wrong. Same with anarcho-communism. People, on a large scale, are just not good enough to do what they need to do.

So I wasn't anti-government, and I wasn't conservative, and I wasn't even as moderate as I thought. Hey, why not go and read about socialism? At the very least, I'd actually know what I was talking about, unlike the people who call Obama a communist. Seriously, if those people had thought to ask the socialists or the communists about Obama's actions, they would be in for some disappointment. Anyway. I stumbled across this idea that blew my mind-- "dictatorship of the proletariat based on democratic principles." Woah, dude. Woah. It's this bit of socialist philosophy from a guy called Leon Trotsky, whose particular "communist" stylings were quite the opposite of Stalin's. I also found out communism, as Marx wrote, is an endgame situation devoid of a government, so I guess any so-called communist regimes really aren't communists at all. Socialism is sort of the interim between capitalist society and communism, a government paving the way for a stateless society. Personally, I think a world without money and possession would be great, but again, the idea "works" because it's untested and hypothetical. I don't really feel that I'm a Socialist either, because supporting the midway point seems fruitless, although the membership card would be a great conversation piece.

I've been asked "Why do you need labels?" and the answer is "BECAUSE I LIKE THEM." They make things simple. But in recent months, I've been watching myself grab at every idea like I was the first person to think it, and trying to fit into some role. I have an intense need for symbols and ritual and ideas, and I keep falling into new ones saying "This, this is it! I know everything I need to know because of THIS!" It's hard not to do, but I am aware of it, even if it is a bit after the fact.

I've done this with the rantings about tattoos, too. I had three new tattoo ideas today which were way better than head tattoos... But each was better than the one before it. Because of this, I'm not getting any tattoos now. I can't keep one idea I like for even a month, so all bets are off. Gonna have to remind myself not to get caught in a hasty mood...

Busy day tomorrow, rawr.

Sean

nom

I haven't been writing here lately because of the imagined priority of my Logic paper, but I'm really not getting anywhere with it. It's gonna be shit, so I'm just gonna hack out the word requirement, throw sources where needed, and hope for a mid-level grade on it. There's something about Logic that I'm not getting, and I don't know what it is.

The way I dream bothers me because of how intense my emotions get during REM sleep. The warmest, fullest, most content happiness I've ever felt was in a dream, as well as the deepest sorrow I've ever felt. I woke up one morning recently for two reasons-- it was very hard to breathe (I've been having a lot of problems with asthma) and because of the phenomenal sadness of this dream. I had made it most of the way to the basement before a few giant sobs made their way out, but it was funny. I was occupied with my breathing and trying to get to the bathroom, barely awake, and my body was still dealing with an emotional situation that didn't even exist. Whereas part of me said "That's the saddest fucking thing in the entire world," the "rest of me" was getting annoyed! I had priorities, after all. I like telling that story because I find it really odd and somewhat amusing.

Dead possum #3 is the garbage. It's #3 because that's how many dead possums have shown up in our yard in the past year or so. Nova isn't bothering with them post mortem, so I don't think it's his doing. They stink.

Poor Nova. He's really running out of steam, although today he looked more like himself than he has for a while. I think he hurt himself, but the vet thinks he's got arthritis, so he's got painkillers. We're feeding him glucosamine with the hopes that it'll make him a little more mobile. He's not IMmobile, but he is very limpy, and after a hectic day (no one has a fucking brain around here, Dozer is still allowed to beat the shit out of Nova) he can barely get up. Not to mention his heartworm situation... Poor doggy.

Japanese was going better til this quiz today. I did quite poorly. I feel I did about the same on the first quiz. However, they are 25 points, while our tests are worth 100. On my first full-on test? 94. I know what I need to work on, so I should do well again.

St Andrews is crazy, I guess. From what I understand, at some point in the last three years, the diocese has had an exorcism performed there. We're also doing tons of stuff out of turn as a congregation in the Episcopal church, which is really pissing off the higher ups we're asking help from. I dunno. Things are odd. People are still missing important points.

I'm really fat right now. I'm probably going to join the gym my brother goes to. Everyone keeps harping on me because of Coke, but that's not THE thing that makes me fat. I would say THE thing is that I live at home and don't have control over what food comes in without spending my own money, which currently consists of fifteen dollars. Another important part is sedentary lifestyle, but I'd still place that just under "eating wrong". Luckily, exercise is something I CAN do, AND has shown significant results when I really start kicking ass. My weight is really quite variable, it just depends on which direction I'm "pushing" it. Strength training, I can do no problem, but cardio, more vital to direct weight loss, is something I lack access to. I tried running, I fucked up my feet in the process. I tried the treadmill we have, but it's old and shitty and can't maintain one constant speed. The pace of circuit training cannot compare to real, focused cardiovascular exercise. I'm going to join this gym for access to their elliptical machines. Ken uses them for the same reason I'm going to-- "My joints get tired faster than I do." He's doing what I should have been, and he's in good shape because of it, although he still probably eats less than me (but that may change as soon as he's out of school). I'll say it right now, though. I've weighed less than him before. At one point, he weighed 10 pounds more, and still looked thinner, and I do hate him for it.

Realistically, I know I'll be maintaining an overweight body. But "overweight" at 6' is 184+. Right now, I'm aiming at not being "obese" on the BMI. And I can do that through exercise and less Coke. I did it before without meaning to (Eastern's band camp), and I think I'll be below high school weight with a focused effort.

zomg tired

Sean

Update: I just joined Planet Fitness, and am going to rock their elliptical machines.

cheating strategy

Things aren't great. I hate my classes, and I'm generally irritable and stressed lately. And tired. I forgot when it happened, but I thought about it, and I've been sleeping between 6-7 hours lately, and I'm more of a 10-hour guy. I think it's because I stay out with my friends, and I tell myself that's absolutely okay, because school or work shouldn't stomp out my social life, but then I get tired and grumpy. Still, my friends mean more to me than three extra hours of sleep.

This will be the only Japanese course I take at OCC, because this teacher is the only one who teaches it, and she's got a bitchy attitude. I will not put up with this shit for three more semesters. The first issue was when I missed a class, and she asked if I e-mailed her, and was being a bitch about semantics. The second was when she called on me to translate a sentence in Japanese. I knew I had been called on, and when I did, I went to read the sentence. Proper course of action, no? But she KEPT calling on me. First, it was "the gentleman sitting against the wall", then, "with the gray shirt", then, "with the long hair," then, "sitting alone with no one around him" (it was really only in front and back-- I WAS sitting NEXT to someone) and things like that. Each of those new comments would distract me from reading, so it was about a minute of that shit before I got to do what she asked me to. Fuck that class. I have the books, which we'll be using up until the LAST of FOUR COURSES, and Dr Mark Kane, who WON'T act like such an asshole, and WON'T take TWO FUCKING HOURS to teach a couple of things!!

Logic is still interesting, and there's really only one problem with it, and it's this chick who's kinda slow who always manages to stray into me and Richy's group, scraping for answers rather than contributing. She has an annoying voice and doesn't think, yet expects us to work for her. We don't. Last session she started wandering to other groups, so that's a positive sign.

Oh, I got a paper topic approved! "Transhumanism," which I've tentatively defined as "the artificial evolution of humanity by humanity." The issue (which in Logic terms, is a specific question about a general topic, something quite different from the Sean-Gripe definition) I've "found" is whether or not it will be realized, and the position I took was "yes." Basically, we're not just gonna replace, but enhance our bodies through medicine and technology. It sounds like we do that now, but I'm talking in the EXTREME, and not just pace makers and false limbs.

PoliSci would be loads of fun if the prof weren't so adversarial in his tone and the students weren't so dumb. They don't understand that despite the way it sounds, he's not trying to argue with or shit on anyone. He's trying to lecture. But there are at least two women who are dead set on "beating him" in an "argument." Ugh.

I'm not just irritable and grumpy, though, I've wandered into "intolerable" now. I'm finding it increasingly harder to deal with boredom. Grandma and I went to see the DSO perform some Samuel Barber stuff, and most of it was fun, but one of the longer pieces, Barber's Piano Concerto or something, was SO BORING. It was technically brilliant, but aesthetically anesthetic. Luckily they ended with Don Quixote, which was beautiful, if long (forty-minutes-for-one-song long). And yesterday, Dad was at Grandma's, and it was the usual goofiness until the Michaeliks showed up. Out of a sense of politeness, Ken, Derek, and I just shut up and sat around while the Grown-Ups talked. The Michaeliks were nice guys, but for most of the two hours we were there, we weren't hanging out with Dad and Grandma, we were watching them hang out with the Michaeliks. I'll admit I used dinner as an excuse, and I'm really sorry that I did, but I couldn't take it. I also wanted coke, and that gnawed at me for a while there too.

But I've become intolerable of minute pieces of boredom. And it's another one of those things I throw into the mix when I ask "How do regular people do this when I can't?!" Among that, there's "16 credit hour semesters," "40+ work hours a week AND having a life," "Work AND school AND life" "Put up with X amount of shit for X amount of time," (that one is best illustrated with Jonathan's job at Lowe's, where he's been working for a year and a half since he graduated college, and always talks about how he hates it, although it extends to much more than just occupation), but there are more, which either escape me at the moment or I haven't managed to make into a thought that would be coherent to someone else. How am I so intolerant of insignificant boredom when everyone else is fine?

I'm probably just stressed. I don't really unwind, either, I just screw around/procrastinate. But there are some things keeping it together for me, and one of them is time with friends. There's a real reason I refuse to give up social time, and it's because it helps to have people around. There's something my brother wrote once, about how he had previously believed he shouldn't be so close to his friends because they'd all leave, but it's something I completely reject. The only way my friends are getting away from me is kicking and screaming, and even then, most won't make it. Trust me on that one.

One gleaming light at the end of the tunnel is Eastern. I cannot WAIT to get back to Ypsi. Jon and I are gonna get an apartment together, and it's going to be the most awesome apartment arrangement ever. I liked living with Adam, but he was always working or with Courtney, so I never really SAW him. Jon has said he won't be working, and as of this writing he's single, so maybe I'll actually be living with a friend this time around. I don't blame Adam, though, he had to do so much just to stay afloat, it was nuts. I just need to get through this small-time bullshit and get out there.

I may take -one- more Japanese class at OCC, and it'll be out of convenience. I'll have all my Humanities credits out of the way if I do, and when I transfer to Eastern, if I don't test high enough on my own studies, I'll at least qualify to get into the Intermediate courses there. What I mean is, if I was good enough after studying under Mark Kane, I could take an aptitude test and sail past a course or two, although that's an ideal situation. I can work at it, though.

Sean

Addiction

Just one, though, and it's not Coke.

World of Warcraft. (now referred to as WoW for the rest of the post)

I first played in December 2006. My first character was a dwarf hunter, but the first one I really got invested in was my human paladin, Iswren. In the setting, paladins, as well as priests, serve the Light, and are empowered by it. There is one group of non-player characters called the Scarlet Crusade, who bend this power to serve them in less moral pursuits such as their Inquisition, which means the frequent torturing of sentient undead and even living things, but they are unique in their misuse of the Light. Otherwise, paladins are these paragon warrior-servants. I like them.

Paladins can specialize in three areas--
Protection, which is sword, shield, and pounds of magic plate armor, the emphasis being the attention-grabber of Big Scaries, and surviving.
Retribution, which is two-handed weapon specialization and lots of smiting.
Holy, which is just healing.

Iswren was specialized in the Holy talent-tree. Her concept became combat medic, and I enjoyed playing it.

In WoW, the action takes place on a world called Azeroth, and there are scads of sentient races. The original games in the series pitted humans versus orcs, and it all branched out from those conflicts. Those two peoples represented the main chunks of two factions that exist "today"- the Alliance and the Horde. The Alliance consists of the humans, dwarves, night elves (they're tall and purple), gnomes, and Draenei ("magic aliens" is a bad term, but is the most convenient). The Horde is a coalition of the "leftovers"- orcs, trolls, Forsaken (sentient undead), Tauren (cow people), and blood elves (a few inches short of human-sized, and largely human-colored). Despite the world- and cosmic-level threats to existence, the two factions still find plenty of time to hate and kill each other.

The ongoing, less spectacular conflicts are represented as Battlegrounds in WoW-- a player versus player event that goes on for a set amount of time, where whoever kills the other side and completes the objectives wins.

At first, I hated Battlegrounds-- I always died! But then I learned that there were people who leveled up to the maximum of their brackets (usually 10 levels in one bracket, 11-20, 21-30, so on) and bought or worked insanely hard for "Best in Slot" items, and those things made these characters incredibly powerful. A friend and I did this together, and we were awesome. She would kill things and I would heal her, and it was insane. We once fought two to eight-- and won. In that particular event, those eight accounted for more than half the team! We enjoyed slight fame, even, in our bracket.

But Iswren's story is why I did it. I still don't like Battlegrounds, but the goal was to attain a particular title. It's called "Justicar," and it's awarded to people who have earned enough resources in particular Battlegrounds. It's very time consuming to achieve, and I haven't yet, but I'm closer than most. Iswren's story was going to be her concern and sacrifice for the good of the more common citizenry, those who weren't in the throngs of heroes Saving the World each time a new villain came along. Most other paladins have their sights set on more fantastic enemies than the Horde, but Iswren constantly reminds people that those other things aren't the only threat to daily life in the Alliance. She'd spend her life as a soldier (or as much of one as a combat medic can be), devoid of career ambitions, yet constantly promoted just because the higher ups couldn't ignore the lives she saved, the numbers of the army she sustained. Eventually, when "Justicar" would be conferred to her, they'd tell her no Justicar had been a mere, enlisted soldier, and that even if she didn't accept the title, she'd have to take a commission to continue serving in the army. Her whole drive is based on protecting and serving, so she'll accept a post as an officer, becoming a Knight (that's the lowest commissioned rank in the Alliance) and a Justicar, and it'll be awesome.

Minrah is my main character. I love playing him, he's fun. His story is full, since he's older, but he's really done it all. He's a mage, an engineer (he built his own Turbo Charged Flying Machine-- and yes, that is an actual item in the game), a tailor (don't tell anyone!), a former admiral for a bunch of pirates, a goblinslayer (I did the math, and I killed at least fifteen hundred goblins to get the "Bloodsail Admiral" title), an historian, a boozer, and possibly a lecher, I haven't decided. He was the one I would take to all the new places and dungeons, got all the cool stuff, and the one I played the most.

I miss these characters. But slowly, I've been playing less and less. Today was the first day I logged on in two weeks, but it's not on my original account. I got a new one when I bought a character from a friend (it has to have their last name on it to swap characters), and I got six months of time for it. I ran out of time on the other in late August, and wasn't going to start it up until I saw how hectic (or not) my classes were. They're not very, but that's not the main problem anymore.

The problem is that playing WoW alone sucks. It sucks a lot. It's sooooo boring when you have no one to talk to. Usually, I play when I know my friends are on. But that has changed. They're playing more now on another server, and not just that, but on the opposite faction. They offer that as a service-- for $25, you can move your character and change their faction. And there is an unusual number of people in my group doing that. I not only don't want to PAY for that, but I don't want to change my characters! They're human, they're not orcs or blood elves! Changing them in that very slight way (when you think that it's just an avatar that is swapped, since you can keep everything else) is still just enough for me to feel that I've abandoned Iswren and Minrah entirely, that all the work I did was gone, or for something else. So I want to play my characters, but I don't want to play alone. I want to play my characters, but I may find I don't have time. I want to play my characters, but I never have much cash anymore. I will probably not be renewing anything soon.

I found an old check in a birthday card the other day, for $35. I smacked my forehead and went to call Grandma to ask if I should destroy it or not. She said to bring it over and let her do it, so I said okay and did just that. I got over there, gave the check to her, and she just said "2007!"

Apparently I had a $35 check from my 20th birthday. She went and replaced it, and now I feel like a fool. If I had taken a second to read the year, I wouldn't have even mentioned it. I feel like a dick now, as if I came off as expectant or demanding, and I really don't mean to. She didn't owe me that money, but she gave it anyway. I've talked to Grandma about this sort of thing before, about gifts I felt I "didn't deserve" or thought were too generous or something, and I didn't protest as much this time just because I knew she was going to give it to me whether or not I wanted the check. So I took it, bought some food, and will probably use more of it on gas, since I have to get to Ypsi and back on Friday.

Adam said he needed my face, so Friday, I'm going out, he's gonna sketch my face, and we're gonna talk about whatever art is, and how old school art-elitism is dumb. It's for homework, you see, so it's okay.

It needs to cool off already, because I need to sleep.

Sean

Bwah

I'd sort of forgotten about this. I've been seeing so much of the couple of people who read it that I didn't need this for a while. But there are some things I'd like to write, just because it's easier than hoping different things will come up in conversation (the way I used to do it makes for awkward conversations, in my opinion).

It's been a long time since I'd seen many people who showed up Wednesday, and not just family members. My friend at St. Andrews, Click Thomas, came up and said hello, gave his sympathies and all that. It was like he was never sick. Last time I saw him, he could barely get through a service, due to his condition (which I've forgotten the name of, but it makes soft tissue hard, and it has made it so he can't eat very much food, among other things I'm sure). I miss Click. He and his wife Pat, who is basically the kitchen-lady of that church, were the first people to really reach out to me in big ways. I had meant to go Sunday, but the past several nights, I've slept quite poorly. Tonight's not looking any better, due to humidity.

I dunno if you got that message I sent you, dad, but I remember (now) exactly when that picture was taken. Heather pulled out a camera, and it had to turn on or something. I had no idea WHEN in those few moments the picture had been taken, but I think my brother and I were mistaken in assuming when it was done. Alaina was running around Heather's legs, peeking around at us. I remember that. Was not an angry face.

Visited the psychiatrist today, told him about some headaches and twitching I've been having, but, considering stressful circumstances, we're just going to "watch closely" and see if anything's different next month before cutting back on meds.

Tonight I found a birthday check I never cashed, and will have to alert Grandma to this. She lent me another book (God help me), but I've already finished it. It was pretty interesting, was told from the point of view of an autistic kid. It looks longer than it is, the type is a little large, and it's double spaced, so I breezed through it all today. I was gifted (rather than lent, which I originally thought) a copy of the Apocrypha, which I'm interested in, but am going to leave it a little further down the list of "MUST READ NOW". Near the bottom is my Logic book, because I know just by having the class that I'll get through all of it in a matter of time. Here's the list;

1) 13 Thinkers+, A Sampler of Great Philosophers by Gerald F. Kreyche
2) The Art and Science of Fencing by Nick Evangelista
3) Moral Politics: How Liberals and Conservatives Think by George Lakoff
4) Simplicity, The Freedom of Letting Go by Richard Rohr
5) Becoming a Critical Thinker: A User Friendly Manual, 5th ed, by Sherry Diestler
6) The Apocrypha by who the hell knows

I've gotten at least half way through the first three, which are interesting, relatively quick reads. Fencing is the easiest to get through, which is why it's so far up. I'm hoping to be done with SOMETHING soon, I have homework coming up >_<.

For my position paper, I figure I'll just go with the armed martial arts topic I've been dwelling on. I'm going to take the position that we don't need them, because we really DON'T, but... I love them! Ugh. I can't argue that we DO need things like fencing and kendo, because we don't. We flat out do not -need- these things, for a number of reasons I need to stretch into three thousand words. I am not looking forward to it. He may not even approve my topic, in which case I'm fucked, because I can't think of any other thing I could possibly write about and argue for or against. Most "mundane" topics will be even less likely to be approved, as they've probably already been done by someone in a previous class, or taken by someone in THIS one. And they're boring anyway. Everyone has opinions on "big issues," and most of them are boring, for boring reasons, blah blah blah.

In writing that, I had a flash of inspiration. My friend Adam is an artist, and wants to get into the Master's program at Eastern, but he's facing a major stumbling block-- he does a lot of illustrative, fantasy stuff. A lot of his professors are telling him to strip away the fantastic elements, so his paintings will be "better," or more acceptable to them, but they end up being figure drawings with maybe a simple background. The "why" of it all could make a fascinating paper! I just need to figure out how to turn it into an argument, and what position I'd take (probably Adam's). The fun part is that we're allowed to use and even conduct interviews as research. I'll have to call out to Ypsi tomorrow.

I thought Fall started today, where's my beautiful Fall weather?

Logic is moving along, but my other classes are kind of crawling. Japanese needs to start teaching me things I don't know, and PoliSci... I don't where it's going, we only ever stir up some heated discussion about current events, which was fun once, but is really stale now. Our first quiz is Wednesday, and we have to go get our own test sheets, something new to me, but I'm told is an old practice (blue books, essentially). PoliSci would be more fun if the people in our class weren't dumb.

I was talking to Grandma about psychology stuff today, and I totally forgot how much I wanted to do more of it. I don't even know where to begin next semester. The problem is that it seems like I would do better to take one class before another, but it's not required or even suggested like that. In theory, I could just dive into Experimental Psychology. Abnormal Psych might help, though. So I don't know what I'll do yet.

Sean

alt shift¿

I didn't want to write about HWH, or Wednesday at all, because I saw my blog that day, and felt selfishness pouring out of the screen, but I dunno, maybe it's selfish (or a form of denial) not to. I didn't know him as well as I wanted to, though I'm glad that I did at all, and for as long as I had. Grandma told me once, the first time I had shown them the "warrior" shirts, that he really appreciated the word "grandfather" on it, instead of grandpa, and since this week, I don't refer to him as grandpa anymore (it's HWH in text, "my Grandfather" in speech). I had hoped that I wouldn't have cried the way I did while he could see me, because I didn't want to make it harder for him, emotionally, and I feel like I may have failed him in that regard (I am not asking/fishing for and do not want consolation on this point, it's just something I had to say sometime, somewhere). I'm glad Kenny and I were both there, I didn't want to be the only grandchild. I was surprised HWH managed to pull a face when he first noticed my brother there. I feel it speaks to who he was, that even though we had to let him go right about then, he lightened up in spite of it. I wish I'd had something to say, some poignant phrase to give, during any of the visits, not just the last. I just stood. What bothers me most is that I'm still thinking about myself.

I've finally been to each of my classes. In picking which ones I thought would be most interesting, I got the order totally wrong. American Government was awesome, and Japanese is totally frustrating. Logic is, wait for it-- in the middle. Our "exercises" for Logic were kinda lame, but it's still a class I look forward to. We (it was a group exercise) had to pick out the conclusions and premises out of some arguments, but I had forgotten (I feel it should have been more emphasized when we started it) to use "uniform language," which is just restating parts of the argument. We don't interpret or describe the points, we JUST find and restate it. So after everyone got the first one "wrong", we wised up and annihilated the others, with the exception of one, where the sentences were already in order, in that they contained the conclusion and the premises in respective order in one sentence. I said it looked like that, but because it was unprecedented in our five arguments, we did it like the others, and got the answers backwards. It'll be a tricky class.

Government was awesome, have I mentioned that? The people sound sort of stupid, but the teacher is exceptionally sharp, and can rein the class in quite expertly. The conversations were totally civil, and had glimpses of thought. Still, our ONE outspoken conservative is an idiot, and that's kind of disappointing. I want to meet more conservatives who don't use the words "Obama," "the government," and "socialism," as some catch-all phrases that are synonymous with what's wrong with the world, because I have yet to hear the WHY in all of the ranting. This woman's issue was that "the government" is just out to get our money, based on all the underage smoking tickets she paid to cover her teenage sons. We should all be able to smoke wherever we want, and at whatever AGE we want! Oh, and seat belts. As adults, we shouldn't have to wear seat belts, it's just "the government" taking away "our freedom" to be fucking retarded. Smarter conservatives, please! To credit my professor further, he asked "What about MY freedom to NOT smoke?" which was left unanswered, due to this woman's listing of where she could not smoke.

I've griped about Japanese before, and the problems aren't different, but there are new positives. Pretty ladies! Pretty ladies who comment on how they like my D&D bag (the Bag of Holding) because -they- used to play D&D! I was unsure of what to do for a while, but luckily, because there was teaching going on, I had a buffer. On our break, I did what I could to turn her passing compliment into a conversation, and I succeeded, because we are now acquaintances. Go me! The girl in front of me turned around and gave an unsolicited "Hi" too, so maybe I'll make more acquaintances Tuesday. I must latch on to these normalish pretty ladies before we get a group assignment! I will not work peacefully with the weeaboos! THERE WILL BE BLOOD O_O.

Actually, there IS one problem with Japanese I didn't address. The teacher said that Japanese is not a sing-songy language (that's right), but then proceeded to teach the pronunciations in a sing-songy manner (that's wrong). How did I notice? With my keen, detective-level senses, of course. Oh, and MOST OF THE CLASS WAS DOING IT THAT WAY TOO, HOW COULD I IGNORE IT?! Ugh. It sounds sorta like "dah Dah DAH dah Dah". Bold is accented. All I could do was be as monotone as Seanly possible, and be a little louder. I didn't want to draw too much attention, after all.

I gotta read 54 pages for Government by Monday, so recreational stuff is set aside for now, although I'm using the hour and a half between Japanese and Logic to read in the library, so I got through the rest of Plato, Aristotle, and might still be in the middle of St Augustine. There's still five other books I need to get through, and not just "I intend to read," but, "I need to read IMMEDIATELY."







Sean

Brrn

I have a problem when people say someone has too much time on their hands. There was some contest on this channel where fans had to design a "bump" for them (an ad is the best approximation I can think of). When the time comes to reveal the winner, it's "someone who has way too much time on their hands." That example was a stupid joke, but the way they use phrase is still the same-- assumptive. I don't like it.

One day, at an appointment with my therapist (I'm required to see one while on "psychiatric" medication), I was trying to explain an idea, and it didn't come out exactly right, but it was something about the prioritization of our society's values, how I didn't like them, and how I didn't feel obligated to get a shitty job just because I lived at home. She didn't disguise her reaction very well, because her whole response, despite whatever she actually said, read as "You need to grow up." I was surprised at the response, but unlike my therapist, I did not show it.

You, dear therapist, need to be aware that though our values are different, that neither of ours are inherently better. Secondly, I feel that what you consider to be "responsible" is empty. Somehow, according to your (and many others') idea of what a responsible adult does, I was doing great while I was working. And that it's a shame that I stopped. Somehow, the fact that I was, at first, miserable, and later, just as miserable, but USED to being that way, covered in bleach and whatever else leaked out of those soggy boxes, was LESS important than the fact I was working.

Yeah yeah, economy. I was fortunate to have employment. For the first time, I had my own money. I got what I was supposed to out of that job. But it speaks volumes about us when the job, and whether or not you have it, matters more than you. Obligations do factor in, but as someone who doesn't have any, I'm done catching all the flak.

Maslow's hierarchy of human needs lists self-actualization at the top of a pyramid, sitting on physical and emotional stability. "Having a job" addresses basic needs. Gotta have money for food and shelter. "Entertainment" too (internet, books, whatever), but it doesn't cover higher needs, the ones we require to grow as people. That's why, for people who just get minimum wage, knuckle-dragging, field slave jobs their whole lives, being employed should stop being glorified. It's for purely existing.

Growth, growth is what has value (to me, that is). That's why I'm going to OCC now. Eastern was a bad decision because I had no idea what I wanted. The Academy of Art was a bad idea because I did it on a lark. I remember saying to Fr. Henry "Is there a job where I can just learn the rest of my life?" And that's why I quit Family Dollar. I realized the only way I was gonna be happy was to keep learning. But at least by this point I found a direction.

Still, nowhere in there is a plan on how to get out of work. It's inevitable, I would be naive to think otherwise. The trick is to pick something that is interesting, not like work, or at least really tolerable. My hope is research. If that fails, then college-level teaching. If that fails, I'll get a doctorate and retry those steps. If that fails, I'll teach English to Japanese people. If that fails, I'll write a book. That still has potential to fail, but if I bullshit convincingly enough, I have a shot. But I will not, WILL NOT be a field slave anymore. It's all house-work for me from now on. I would hate to go back to that, to re-zombify, to shut my mind off just to get through a day. No way in hell.

Sean

Ugghhhhh

First day of classes could have gone better.

I ran slightly late, so I was hoofin' it to my first class (Japanese), keeping close tabs on the time. I was outside of the building at 9:58, and after very quickly going upstairs, I found out I was late-- the clock in the classroom is five minutes fast, but it's the time the teacher keeps. So I was late. Fine, fine, so I should leave the house about 10 minutes sooner.

The class is full of social retards. I have a pretty good idea of who I don't want to speak to already, and no, it's not "anyone". Don't get ahead of me. The thing is, I knew Japanese would be full of annoying weeaboos. I learned that lesson in kendo-- anything authentically Japanese is likely to attract obnoxious anime fans, because of anime itself. I like Japan. I like Japanese things, even including anime. But I don't consider these interests hobbies (I'd still like to make kendo a more regular thing, though >_>).

I have a real problem with people who consider "anime/manga" a hobby. It's essentially calling reading comics and watching cartoons your hobby. But they're different, because anime and manga are JAPANESE!!! Ugh. My issue with this is that we're not Japanese. When American kids start using quirky Japanese expressions, it bothers me. When American kids flock to anyone with genuine Japanese experience, God save them if they should be an actual Japanese person, and treat them like gurus instead of regular people, which most people tend to be, it bothers me. The first person I knew I would not be spending much time talking to would be the girl who greeted me in Japanese, took every opportunity to speak at the teacher's slightest pauses (such as inhalation), sometimes also in Japanese, and then gave a sad, full-upper-body gesture complete with some sort of disappointing tone when the instructor said we wouldn't be getting through something or other. The next group was every person who nodded when the teacher said anime is one of the motivating factors for someone to pick up Japanese. The last guy was the guy next to me, who spent the whole time drawing manga.

It bothers me because it's not their culture. Whatever "knowledge" they possess and are regurgitating at everyone is, at best, an empty mimicry. It's something they saw or read, and it was probably in English. Even if it was subtitled, for example, there are going to be gaps in understanding. There are assumptions in the acts and speech that we don't have-- we as English speakers, we as Western thinkers, and most specifically, we as Americans. I can think of one instance off the top of my head where I just said "Why the hell is this character doing this?" It was in an anime called Claymore, and as far as the viewers and the other characters knew, the main heroine seemed to have died in some crazy, explosive battle. Another character, who was like a younger brother figure, just kept calling/screaming her name... for at least half a minute! No music, no sound effects, not even shots of what this kid was even doing, just thirty to forty seconds of "CLARE! CLARE! CLARE! CLARE!" and a blocked view of a fiery crater. That's the most dramatic and prolonged example, but I *know* that this sort of thing happens all over anime/manga, this repeated calling. In cases where the audio is dubbed into English, this can be muddled over with new dialogue specific to the translation, but in the original Japanese, it's quite prevalent. But I don't know what the hell it means, exactly how it's significant.

And that's part of the point. When they record or write something in English and change it, it's to cater to a different audience, and give it a familiar tone for American viewer/reader. Verbatim translations would leave dialogue very clunky, and some of the mannerisms wouldn't gel without a well-placed phrase here and there (kudos to the English writing teams).

It doesn't mean they're ignorant, necessarily. With our access to so much information, anyone not from Japan could read, watch, and listen enough to know what this or that means. To put it together properly, though, you'd need to be a part of some Japanese society. The experience is separate from the knowledge. These kids bother me, I suppose, because they act as though knowing is enough, and that they think they know enough to act.

They're also calling what I did on Saturday mornings a hobby, and that's a little silly.

I just want to avoid grouping with the zealots. I'm gonna hunt out the regular people (or "the squares," if you prefer) and cling to them with everything my sanity can muster. I can help those people, should they need it. I even sort of WANT to work with people. I realize that I'm flying my Freak Flag, with my long hair, my Bag of Holding, and my tendency to paint my nails, but those squares will be mine!!

Logic looks busy. I already have a 3000-3500 word paper due November nineteenth. We get to choose the topic, but we have to take a stand and make logical (GO FIG) points to support it. I dunno what I want to write about yet. I'm taking the class with Richy, and that was a HUGE relief, since there's a lot of group work involved with the class. Last time I had a group in class for a college course, no one communicated and we all failed a giant project. At least Richy and I have a fighting chance. The prof is interesting. He teaches at three places in addition to OCC. He speaks at Schoolcraft, University of Phoenix (they have a physical location on six mile in a business building), and U of M. U of M is his main school, and I know that not just because it's the biggest one, but because he uses their e-mail service. I have high hopes, but am a little intimidated by the workload presented on the syllabus.

I'll be in Japanese again Tuesday, and Wednesday will mark my first session of American Government.

Sean

Woo!

Grades were finally posted for the Summer semester, and I didn't think to check it until last night. I have a 3.48 cumulative GPA. I got a B- in that math class.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Man, I don't know how they figured it, but this exceeded my highest expectations! I was thinking, best case scenario, I wouldn't see a 3.5 for another YEAR of A's, low A's, and maybe a high B or two. Now? I could be on the Dean's List (honor students who haven't graduated) by the end of THIS SEMESTER. AAHHHH, I can't wait!

Sean

Augh!

My friend Bill has the Battlestar Galactica board game, and I love it. Except that I also hate it.

You don't play very far into the series, but the goal is to make it to the planet Kobol, which is 9 "distances" (I dunno what they're called) away. You use the FTL drives to jump, and your admiral (generally Adama) chooses your destination, which can be 1-3 "distances". Problem is, the Cylons are beating the shit out of you constantly. Other problem is, you run out of resources and humans REALLY FAST. There's fighting, there's politics, there's "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE KILLING US, DO SOMETHING!", and it's really fun. But we have yet to see the humans survive all the way to Kobol. One time, we would have, but we had to stop early, at 6 "distances". We totally would have made it. Second and third times, Cylons crushed the humans. This fourth game, the humans ran out of food.

The other really awesome and aggravating aspect is that not everyone is human-- we start with Loyalty Cards, and yeah, someone's gonna be a Cylon. Lying in this game is getting silly, since we can just about tell who is and who isn't telling the truth. I was a Cylon three out of four games. When I was a Cylon, I decimated the human race, except for this last game. I decided to try and help them win. But even with four of us on one side, we still lost to a single Cylon player. Part of it is luck-of-the-draw, and the rest is what the players, human and Cylon, do. Personally, I think we're doing all the wrong things (what else is new?), and I really want to see someone besides Jonathan being the admiral. Being the president (I was Pres. Gaius Baltar, not Roslyn) was really fun! I had the power to do some crazy stuff, but the most I did was making Jon my Vice President, giving a couple of Inspirational Speeches, set up some Food Rationing, and signed off on some Excessive Force to help blow up a bunch of Cylons (it cost us some people, though).

But we can't win! Where are we going wrong?! Argh....

Tomorrow (Sunday), we're having tons of people over for some form of Hannan reunion. I'm hoping that I can skip out a little early to head to Japanese bible study. I dunno, does anyone else get tired of introducing themselves? I've been saying the same stuff in person that I write in this blog, which is largely the same from post to post. "I'm going to OCC, I study Japanese, I wanna double-major in Linguistics at Eastern, maybe I'll go for a Master's in Cognitive Linguistics." I'm sick of hearing myself. I don't want to say all this thirty times tomorrow. I don't want to make small talk, either. It's not interesting, it's not stimulating. It's generally just annoying because it's so boring. Let's talk about fun things. Let's talk about ideas, concepts, let's argue, even.

It's not even just small talk, because at least it has it's place. You introduce yourself, you get to know enough about another person so that maybe you can segue into a real conversation. Gossip is the issue. Idle words. Mouth-noises for the sake of mouth-noise. Please, everyone, stop. I would rather everyone just sit in silence, because at least it's authentic. There does not need to BE conversation if it's void of substance. Anything that lacks that element is fake and mindless, and I DESPERATELY want to be done with it. This is why I dread family gatherings.

Well, that, and the all the crap I'm gonna catch for not talking to anyone.

I've been reading some snippits about a lot of different things recently, and the most, I guess, jarring? It was about stoic sages. The little blurb I read was something like "A stoic experiencing strong emotions is as natural as his falling asleep." So even stoic sages are not constantly "stoic" (I feel the word has taken on too-strong connotations in modern usage)! The goal is to control "primitive instincts", and not just to live devoid of emotions. That's cool.

I feel exhausted, but unusually, not in the physical sense. So much shit is getting to me. The whole Grandpa-hospital thing is wearing, and I say that completely taking my position, as neither Grandma nor Grandpa, for granted. Thinking about tomorrow feels like my nerves are being grated. I'm still stressed about how poorly I did in math. I haven't stepped foot in church since St James, and I don't know if I can even bring myself to look for someplace other than St Andrews, which is a problem. I haven't had a really good, thoughtful conversation in a longer time than I like. My temper is getting out of control.

I'm glad I have a house, friends, Nova, a family, and a computer with internet access. I'm not anxious about upcoming classes, I'm excited and a tad impatient, even though they start in about five days. I'm glad I raked the lawn, because I picked up about a half a bale of hay, and people are gonna be walking back there.

Sean

Buh?

Fall semester's starting a few days earlier than I thought, which means I have just a week of vacation left.

Only two classes are starting next Thursday, Japanese and Intro to Logic. I have Japanese in the mornings on Tuesday and Thursday, and Logic is just Thursday afternoons. My Poli Sci class doesn't start until the following Wednesday (the ninth). I'm excited for all three. I've already cracked open my book for Logic, "Becoming a Critical Thinker," with the hope that going in with a little preparation will help me. The first skill I have to learn is how to be able to identify elements of an argument. It sounds easy enough, but it's sort of not, at least for me, so I'm gonna see what I can put into practice between now and next week. One of the interesting bits in the first chapter was the focus on the "issue", and how it got lost the longer and more emotional a debate got, but also that a truly skillful speaker would be able to keep things on task. That's cool.

Japanese actually looks... daunting. Part of that is because the book is like an instruction manual-- it's written entirely in both English and Japanese. I'm really hoping we have a good instructor. It's not that big of a deal, I think, just because I have 15 weeks to do it in, unlike my last 4-credit hour class. But I'm excited! This is what I want to do!

Speaking of what I want to do... I have to be completely honest with myself. I thought I hated fighting, but looking at it, I *love* fighting. The stuff that bothers me was the circumstances around the fight, which were the reasons the fights ever *happened*. But real martial prowess? Totally awesome. There's only one discipline I can claim to "know" much about, and that's not just close quarters combat, it's swords! Kendo, to be exact. I "hold" the rank of ni-kyu, which is two below ichi-dan (ichi-dan is essentially "black belt"). I really wanted to do more outside of Eastern, but it's kind of expensive... which is why I'm gonna do more of it when I go back =D. But I have my eye on something in the meantime...

Fencing! OCC offers it, and I wanna take it. I was inspired in part by my friend Adam (not to be confused with Ypsi-Adam, of Adam-and-Courtney) because he fenced for a couple years at CMU's club, and had actually done a couple of tournaments. One day on Facebook, he mentioned that he just wanted an all-out fight or semi-formal fencing thing, and I was saying "Man, I'd like to take him up on that." I just have to know what I'm doing first. Adam likes fighting with an epee, something I wouldn't learn until the second fencing class OCC offers, so I gotta get moving! Not happening this semester, though. I wanna see how I do with 10 hours/3 classes before I do more. If that works out, and then 11/4 goes well, I might take full time credits next fall.

I really want to be done by May of 2011. Jonathan put off schooling til next fall, and that means, if I'm back out there soon enough, we'll probably rent an apartment together! That sounds good to me! I mean, my other options were live alone on campus, or live alone just off of campus, because there's no way I'm living with a stranger, and having Jon as a roommate would be awesome. It's not like I could live with Adam and Courtney. But even with things as they are, Jon would probably only be around for a year before he was done. I think he's crazy for trying to get everything done at once, but from what I've heard about his habits at his last school, he could handle it. But, it all depends on how I'm doing now.

I want to read more before next week.

Sean

Final (revised) Fall schedule!

I swear, every time I look at school stuff, something is different, even though the words have been exactly the same.

So I had registered and paid for my Fall classes already. Beginning Japanese 1, Intro to Logic, Organizational Psych. But, as I learned Sunday (I think? Possibly Monday), the Psychology of Organizational Behavior is essentially "Business Psych." Marian had told me this, since she had worked for the APA, and I said "Wait, that sounds really boring." I went back and read the course description to figure out what I had done. From what I can tell, it was because;

1) It was a Psych class.
2) It was a Psych class that didn't have the Intro to Psych prerequisite

The issue with #2 is that I'm currently TAKING Intro to Psych, and to take other Psychology, I need to have PASSED it, and based on how long it took to get my grade after Summer 1, I won't have a posted grade for it until the semester starts. That's fine, I thought, because this other class has no prerequisites! But it's for Management and Business students... They don't need Intro to Psych, because they take this class instead. It's not a class you take to further your psychological studies (unless you're totally anal). I ran back to the online registration page, worried that there would be difficulty in switching that class out, but everything went smoothly. As long as I took another 3-credit class, there would be no additional charges.

In place of that Psych class, I will be taking my required PoliSci class, American Government. Again, my charted plans have deviated wildly. I had originally set up my schedule so that my summers would include my required credits, leaving my fuller Fall and Winter semesters with mostly electives. That way, the fifteen weeks I'd spend would be fun and interesting, while all the suffering of boring General Education classes would be confined to seven and a half. So why do Poli Sci now? I panicked. I didn't know what else to take. The issue with all of my Psych stuff still stands, so I couldn't do something like Abnormal or Experimental Psych, which would have been more awesome. I WAS going to do one of my two English requirements, English Composition 1, but because it's "computer-enhanced," it had an additional lab cost (I assume it's because we'll be typing and printing things out instead of handwriting). I just needed three credits, so I did something "good" for myself by taking a required class. I chose a particular American Government class with this extra bit in the description: "Notes: Class uses Social Sciences Lab A-301 for Special election exercises on election statistics and analysis of voting behavior." That sounds more fun than just a regular lecture class.

I stopped thinking about the Fall semester after the first time I set up a schedule, but this was all brought back to my attention because I had previously told Richy Davis to take a class with me (unfortunately, one I couldn't take anymore because it conflicted with my Japanese!). We spoke a little on the phone, and when I thought about it some more, I grabbed my coursebook and headed over to his house. Richy has a lot of his required classes done, but not all, and as we were talking and reading, we found out he might have to take a whole year (that is, both a Fall and Winter semester) of electives AFTER this semester. There are different degrees he could qualify for that would get him out after January, like the Applied Science Associates, but if he did what I was doing, the Liberal Arts Associates, he'd be there another year. He wants to do Physical Therapy for a four year degree, so I don't know what would benefit him more, but I DO know he'll be there for at least this Fall, and that's because we're taking the same Intro to Logic class.

It occured to me this morning (>_<) that I had neglected a large sum of helpful information by not talking to the Davises about their schooling more often than I have. John especially, since he's done at OCC. He's even taken Intro to Logic. There are a few things I could definitely use some insight on before I take certain classes. I'm really glad I went to OCC when I did, although I wouldn't have minded starting last year, either...

I'm doing bad in Math. I know I was all nonchalant about it early on, but I should have done a little more when I could. Homework isn't graded, but I wish I had done some in the last chapter or so. The issue I'm having is that I now know a dozen ways to solve a polynomial... but I never know which way is going to give me credit on a test anymore. I can't ask the teacher during a test, she'll just ask me which way we just studied... And I don't remember what we just did! I mean, I know what we learned, but I forget what we did Monday, which is what we're being asked, instead of last Wednesday, which can be extremely similar, but not relevant to the problem. I bombed this last test in a major way. At this point, if I do very well on the last quiz, the last test, AND the final exam, I can pull out a B-. Which is why I'm doing the homework now.

I only have three sessions left of each class. That's next week (Mon-Thur), and the first two days of the week after. I'm looking forward to being done with this part.

Sean

I didn't write that

s'nice not to wake up to an alarm

I don't do much, but I started to forget what it was like.

I'm more than halfway done with these two classes! That's crazy! Every time I think about them, they seem to stretch on and on, but they're seven and a half weeks long... And this was the end of week four. Whaaaaat.

It's hard to talk about spiritual stuff, here, there, everywhere (digression-- I had a Beatles dream last night), and, more importantly than venue, the people I'm trying to talk to. A lot of my friends are irreligious (agnostic and atheist), and whenever I'm trying to bring up a certain point, it and whatever issue of faith I'm speaking about is disregarded in different ways, depending on the circle of friends. With my Ypsi crew, it's "Why do you even *need* religion?", while in Redford, the responses are nothing more than snide comments, which carry implicit messages that are only immediately apparent to the speaker(s) or are not conducive to a real discussion, which is what I'm looking for, dammit!

On the other hand, those spiritually inclined in any sense are either uninterested or unavailable. I need more acquaintances who care about the same things, know the same things, or will at least humor me! I was about to say I needed to talk about serious things, or maybe I was taking things too seriously, but I just need to talk about something a little heavier than hypothetical Army stuff with Ken's friends. I feel withdrawn.

I met with a new psychiatrist for more Concerta (my form of ritalin), and I really liked him. He was a genuine mumbler, though. Not like my parents think *I* am, this guy was a REAL MUMBLER. But he was cool! He pointed me to the Maple Theater, the artsy film theater I'd always heard about but never knew where it was. He mentioned it specifically because the night before, he and his wife had seen Depatures, which was a Japanese film, and we'd already spoken about my school plans (guess what prompted him).

After I got my new 'scrip, as they like to call it, I made my second visit to the Holocaust Museum. I wish I had more time, but they have odd hours, which are even shorter on Friday. I got there around noon, and it closed around 12:30, so I just breezed through. I somehow missed a guided tour, because as I pulled out of the parking lot, a giant group was standing outside. I've been wanting to learn more about Judaism and its connections to Christianity, and I grabbed all sorts of fliers, because they have these free lectures and such, but it looks as though I grabbed the wrong ones for that information. The website isn't much more useful, but I'm pretty tired, so I didn't look hard... yet.

I'm going to bed at 12:30 AM, and it feels so early, but I'll actually wake up... TOMORROW MORNING. Madness!

Sean

Too hot out

I could do with less humidity.

I sorta have to skim my old posts to make sure I don't repeat myself. In the one where I mentioned my scholastic spreadsheet, I laid out my upcoming semesters. It's already derailed. Nothing bad happened, it just turned out that a lot of things conflicted, so I swapped things around. Starting in the fall, I will be taking;

Beginning Japanese I
Introduction to Logic
Psychology of Organizational Behavior

A lot of the classes I had in mind were all 10 or 11 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is Japanese, and that's one class I'm not sacrificing for others. I'm not able to take Experimental Psych yet because I need to pass Intro to Psych with at least a B, which won't happen until registration for the Fall is over. This is the final line up, since I've registered for them already. I haven't paid yet, but that's because either Sallie Mae or OCC's financial aid department is slacking. I should be getting $1750 in loans (for this semester), like Sallie Mae told me they were sending over, but OCC is still asking for the full amount of my classes, so I dunno what the malfunction is. I'll be sure to kick some ass if nothing's resolved in the next couple weeks. It sounds like I'm putting it off, but payment isn't due for three more weeks, and Sallie Mae said there was no further action needed on my part for whatever step in the loan process I'm at. It is my fervent hope this is true, but I'll be watching nonetheless.

I really hope Logic won't be full of assholes. I've heard horror stories about philosophy classes before (and that's what that class is listed as). I think Fall and Winter classes will be smaller, or at least a different make-up, because almost everyone in the summer classes are just filling in credits for their regular school, or are continuing education people. My wish for my full, 15 week classes, is that my classmates are more involved. Everyone's a little vacant in the summer stuff, as far as I've experienced. I want to be in a place where other people care as much as I do, and maybe selfishly, about the same things. My Psych prof is okay, but he talks about tons of shit I don't even care about. Politics, mostly. Not just because I sometimes disagree (although that's a factor, no doubt), but because I'm genuinely interested in psychology, and we're not talking about it!! Argh.

Tomorrow I'm going out to, uh... a friend's house. I forgot where it is, but I have directions somewhere. My friend Aaron got back from basic training in the Army recently, and his family's throwing him a welcome back party. I was gonna go over early with Heidi and Jesse (Heidi is Aaron's sister, Jesse is Heidi's husband, and we all play D&D together), like noonish, but I had made plans around that time with Adam... And now that I think about it, possibly Mark Kane. I'll show up somewhere between 3 and 4 for the party, just to give myself some wiggle room.

Sunday, back down to Gross Ile for church, then back home for a bit, then Ken's graduation. His school, MIAT, is holding a graduation now, but Ken won't be done there for another couple of months. It's weird. They're gonna have a lunch thing, then the ceremony, and then, I dunno, maybe I'll come home and watch Ghostbusters or something.

I oughta do some reading for Psych, actually.

Sean

More future musings

I can't help but daydream. I justify it, because at the end of the line, it's a real concern. It's fun to think about, but the question remains: what am I gonna do?

I break it up into steps because it's easier to think in small chunks. So first thing's first, what could I do with an Associate's degree of Liberal Arts? Jack. That's a pretty easy one to sum up. I'm doing it first because it's cheap.

What could I do with a Bachelor's degree? Regardless of what it's in, I could go teach English in Japan. That's the only requirement to do that-- you don't need any sort of teaching degree or experience, or any relevant field of study. Just a Bachelor's. In my case, I know what my degree will be in (say it with me, you should all know it well by now)-- Japanese/Linguistics double major, Psych minor. I don't know that I've said it straight out in this blog or not, but I'm set on that Psych minor now. With this whole thing, I'm seeing a lot of low-level research stuff (such as "research assistant") on the Linguistics side and "Windows System Administrator" on the Japanese.

Other options at this level of education included governmental or military work. In the Army or the Marines, I'd be doing "cryptologic linguistics". Gov't side? FBI, baby. Contract Linguist/Monitor/Tester, or even Special Agent Linguist. I think the FBI jobs sound the most exciting, even the contract jobs. That would be such an interesting experience. Some contract linguists are offered full-time positions as Specialists, which actually only require a high school diploma. I think the Special Agent positions are where the Bachelor's requirement comes in, but I threw it all together here anyway.

At the Master's level, things open up. All of the previous stuff at a marginally higher pay, full-blown research gigs, and teaching at the undergraduate level. After lamenting long enough about how I just wanted to spend my life learning instead of working, the words of my professors started to sink in. At the graduate level, you can start doing real, hardcore research. For a -living-. It often entails working through a university, but hey, if it works, I'd do it.

My mom said "I thought you didn't want to teach." I went into Eastern the first time for Music Education (for the very first of several majors I declared), which would have meant K-12. I never made the distinction between teaching there and teaching at a college. I -like- college. I hated high school. The big difference is the atmosphere. I wasn't in Redford Union schools to learn, I was there because I was legally required to do so, and I only graduated from their high school because employers like diplomas better than GED's. But people at college tend to have more of a drive, more of a reason than just "I have to." I WANT to go. I could work a regular or low-key job, but I want to learn instead.

I've looked into the "where" of my graduate studies, and it's really open. There are so many schools, I wouldn't think I'd have a hard time getting where I wanted. Most of them offer an MA in Linguistics, but there are a couple places that offer an MA in Cognitive Linguistics, which is what I would prefer. Prospective schools include; U of C Berkeley, where one of the major names in cognitive linguistics (George Lakoff) teaches, Case Western Reserve, which is my main pick, since it's close, and the degree is actually Cognitive Linguists (Berkeley is just Linguistics), and tied for distant third are Bangor University (again, Cognitive Linguistics, but it's over the pond) and Brown (just because it's Ivy League). If all else failed, I'd just do what all my other friends are and hit up Eastern for an MA in Linguistics.

I said once that the Master's was purely wishful thinking. But in my mind, I'm formulating everything so that maybe even a doctorate wouldn't be out of the question. In the meantime, I gotta wake up in eight hours and do this fucking Intermediate Algebra class.....

Easy to get wrapped up in theory.

Sean

do not like Kings of Leon

It's week two of classes. I meant to write sooner, but I've been pretty tired.

I don't know how I've managed to make such a fool of myself in Intro to Psych, but I like the class anyway. The prof spent a lot of time the first day (which I inadvertently left an hour early because my analog clock-reading skillz fail) going on about how abrasive he could be, and how we could argue with him if we wanted. We did not want to. I still like the class anyway. The subject itself is very interesting, and I like reading, but the homework (about 65 definitions every two days) is pretty dull and ball breaking.

Math is frustrating. I have to be there for four hours each session, it's really boring, and I'm not particularly motivated to try, although it's looking more and more like I don't have to, after those evil word problems.

Spent most of Sunday doing church stuff. Went down to see dad at Grosse Isle, then, when I got home, Mark Kane invited me to the Japanese church he occasionally preaches at. So in the ten minutes I had at home, I wolfed down some food and went to more church. There, I was invited to a bible study, which I found out was really Singles bible study. Hrm. It was a new experience. Including dinner, it took four hours. It was a little difficult, since out of the six of us, I was one of two who couldn't speak Japanese, but most of them spoke English. And poor Tomohiro, he barely spoke English. The actual bible study was reeeeeaaaally basic. I dunno if I'd go to one of these again. I like the socialization, but the bible study parts were not challenging enough to have taken so long. I might keep going to Japanese church, though, to supplement my Japanese (and because of the fact that I haven't settled at a new church yet). At dinner, each of us was supposed to explain "how the days" since we'd last spoken, had "treated us." It's some sort of Japanese thing, but it was neat.

I saw a scene from Once Upon a Time in the West, and now I feel I must see it. I still have to watch The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, too. I never thought I would enjoy Westerns. I know my grandpa Hannan had a lot of that stuff, but it was Hollywood stuff, lotsa John Wayne (though I've never seen any of that, so I can't comment on it). But these spaghetti Westerns have sucked me right in. I was pleasantly surprised. I might check some of the big name stuff out to keep broading that experience. The only other real Western film I've seen is Tombstone, and it is not like the Sergio Leone movies. Is Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven any good??

Very tired.

Sean

Intermediate Algebra

Just got back. I recall being quite cocky about it ever since I registered for the class. I am now humbly downgrading the level of ease from "Booyah Super Easy" to "May Require Effort." Most of that is because I'm getting ahead of myself and over thinking problems in ways we haven't gone over yet in class. A small portion was actual re-learning. And one section was an actual problem. What was it?

Word problems.

I have never encountered difficult word problems before, or at least I don't remember. But I could not get one of these examples right. I don't understand the way she's setting up her rubric to deal with these problems, either. I put everything in the wrong spot. It's not that they're crazy puzzles or anything, they don't SOUND hard, I'm just not processing what is happening. So I'll have to cobble some sort of patchwork understanding of this stuff before the quiz.

Today was also the fullest day of math, according to the syllabus. That's fine by me, we did a lot. The most we'll end up doing in a day from here on out is five sections on a non-test, non-quiz day. Four on said days. The MOST. So it's usually three or four. We did seven on the first day. The sunny side of that is that I only really have to review one section to be test-ready. And I imagine that's as much as I'll ever have to review in any given chunk. Good stuff!

Psych starts tomorrow. I really hope it's not boring, I would be so disappointed. I haven't looked in that book yet, but maybe tonight after I do some math...

I can't believe I'm doing homework.

Sean

rawr, heartburn and nausea

Two of several reasons I'm still awake despite desperately wanting sleep.

Looking over my class schedule, I'm actually starting Monday, the sixth. That is the beginning of my math class. My Psych class is the one starting on the seventh.

Erwin McManus bothers me. Here's a little blurb I stared at on Facebook;

"My goal is to destroy Christianity as a world religion and be a recatalyst for the movement of Jesus Christ," McManus, author of a new book called The Barbarian Way, said in a telephone interview. "Some people are upset with me because it sounds like I'm anti-Christian. I think they might be right."

It bothers me because of how sensationalistic the guy is. But he has a book to push, so I spose it makes sense. Mike Taylor posted it. He's one of two guys I know who are sort of tuning into the Emergent church thing. I dig the emerging church "movement". In a nutshell, it's (typically younger) people getting fed up with perceived passivity in modern Christian churches and culture, and their aims at "restoring" an active community. I thought it was largely evangelical, conservative types, but theologically and politically (because, despite what we say and think, they'll always be stuck together), it's very much based in the center. I'm curious to see how it pans out in the end.

There's a problem with McManus' goal of "re catalyzing" the movement of Jesus while simultaneously destroying the Christian religion. It mostly lies in definitions, so let's do this. I won't go far, just hitting up dictionary.com (picking and choosing the relevant ones, ie, the ones not about monks and nuns).

religion, noun
1. a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

2. a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects

3. the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices

4. something one believes in and follows devotedly; a point or matter of ethics or conscience

5. strict faithfulness; devotion

6. A set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader.

See the issue here? Of course, if I voiced this, I'd be met with things like "Well, you see, Sean, Jesus preached against religion." No. No he didn't. No matter how you strip it down, he still advocated to an adherence to the ten commandments and the God of Israel. Sorry folks, that's religion.

I can see why they would want to distance themselves from the word, though. "Religion" carries negative connotations nowadays, although it varies depending on who you are. In America, from an atheist or general non-Christian, it usually means all the ugliest bits of Christianity. I don't usually hear the word used by Christian speakers, I generally hear them talk about Muslims (although never just "Islam"). "Religion" in Europe I think may carry more equally for Islam than just Christianity, because of the giant rise in the "religion of peace" over that way, but I don't know, I only heard one angry old Brit complaining about all sides.

And I'm talking about when people start their rants using the words "religion" or "religious people". "Religious people" don't all go to churches. Some go to mosques and synagogues. Others go to kingdom halls, but they don't like it when you call them religious, since they're not a religion (right). So it becomes easier for McManus to say he wants to destroy "religion"-- that is, the ugliest bits of Christianity, for those of us in America-- and replace it with the much more palatable "movement of Jesus Christ".

It's good marketing, but that's about it.

Jesus preached against EXCLUSIVE religion. Everything he did was about inclusion of people to the kingdom of God. He brought the Jewish faith, however radical a rendering, to the Gentiles. He spent his time with the dregs of society-- tax collectors, lepers, prostitutes-- and treated them like people, which I'm sure was a change for them. The point was to make God accessible to everyone, not just the guys who could jump through the flaming hoops without any of the hair on their ass singed (excuse me, the high priests).

Okay, fine, it's a way for some people to get going in the right direction, but... the way McManus puts it seems very fallacious to me.

I hope this Pepcid holds out.

Sean